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This Terrifying Canadian Anti-Drugs PSA Of The 1990s!

If the above screenshot looks like something out of The Cabbage Patch Kids: After Dark to you, that’s because it kind of is. Only it was unauthorized and in PSA form! Since I didn’t grow up in Canada, my eyeballs touched this mess for the first time when reader Gianna dropped it into my inbox as an HSOTD nomination. Gianna wrote that it played all the time in her house in the 90s, which is why she developed early-onset insomnia as a kid since it was nightmare fuel for her.

The 1993 PSA was titled “Hip Choice” and was made by a now-dead non-profit called Concerned Children’s Advertisers (later known as Companies Committed to Kids). The PSA opens with the question, “Ever Thought About Taking Drugs?” before cutting to two off-brand Cabbage Patch dolls who are really Back Alley dolls because they’re hanging out in a dark alley for some reason. They turn to find a tall drink of creepy in sunglasses staring at them. The drug dealer looks like Beaker from The Muppet Show if Beaker from The Muppet Show went to the dark side and made himself a head-to-toe suit out of the skin of the humans he murdered. Bitch looks like he’s been hit with the Thinner curse. He offers them a handful of drugs, and after black-and-white pictures of famous people who battled drug addiction flash onto the screen, the kids turn his ass down and get out of there. The drug dealer then takes off his glasses to reveal a pair of gonorrhea-encrusted butthole eyes. This is what I look like after binging Real Housewives:

There were actually three different endings to that PSA. The original ends with Michael Bay’s drug dealer uncle taking off his sunglasses and terrorizing kids with his prolapsing rectum eyes. But apparently, some parents complained that their kids were too scared by his puffy eye scabs, and so the PSA was changed to him leaving his shades on. There was also a third, which should be called the Wes Craven cut since it was even scarier and zoomed into his bad shit eyes of doom:

So Canadian kids who were traumatized by that mess probably brought a tube of Preparation H with them when trying the bad shit for the first time because they didn’t want to end up with a serious case of hemorrhoid eyes. Forget, “this is your brain on drugs,” this PSA scared children by showing them some horrifying THESE ARE YOUR EYEBALLS ON DRUGS shit.

Pic: YouTube