You don’t become one of the most beloved human beings (citation needed) on the planet without showing at least a little bit of humility, even if it’s unearned. So even though Dolly Parton has released three Christmas albums, four Christmas movies (plus a new special on the way), and wears enough baubles and sparklers, ON A RANDOM TUESDAY IN JUNE, to light the entirety of the Rockefeller Center Christmas extravaganza, when Better Homes & Garden tried to call her “The Queen of Christmas,” a designation that Mariah Carey has sought to legally secure, Dolly told them “Now, don’t you say that!” Dolly knows which side of her biscuit is buttered! And she absolutely wasn’t going to let some whippersnapper drag her to hell with him by pitting her against Mariah in a battle for seasonal supremacy.
Especially when that particular section of hell is located in Satan’s private underground shopping mall where every store is a year-round Christmas store, a barely perceptibly slowed-down version of All I Want For Christmas is You is piped in at ear-bleeding volume, and every single one of the restrooms is out of order. Entertainment Weekly reports:
Dolly Parton knows the holidays are for giving, not for fighting.
The legendary singer-songwriter, who has a known love of all things Christmas, shut down the idea of competing for the title of Queen of Christmas with fellow vocal icon Mariah Carey, who filed to trademark the moniker last year.
“Now, don’t you say that! I’m not going to compete with Mariah,” Parton told Better Homes & Gardens in a new cover story. “I love her. You think of Christmas, you think of Mariah. I’m happy to be second in line to her.”
Dolly said, let Mariah have her little Kris Kringle Krown, I’m gonna sit here and count my little 350 million blessings. Dolly does, in fact, love Christmas, though, and Mariah isn’t the only queen for whom November 1st means GO TIME.
Dolly—we all call her by her first name and she knows this—has her own firmly held beliefs. Say, about Christmas decorations. She is unwavering on when they shall go up. “I start the day after Thanksgiving,” she says. “Christmas lights are turned on. The wreaths go up. I have a little chapel on my property; I put a cross on top of that.” The first ornament on her tree? (To be clear, there are many trees.) “A little patchwork star Momma made for us when I was little.”
See, now this is why Dolly’s biscuits are tenderly pulled apart by hand while still steaming hot out of the oven, and the insides are slathered with a generous lashing of hand-churned, sweet cream butter from one of Dolly’s best dairy cows, Magnolia (Maggie for short), whereas Mariah’s biscuits come in a can and she just slaps a nubbin of Parkay on top of them and calls it a day. Still— Queen recognize Queen.
I will always love you ❤️
— Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) November 11, 2022
Spoiler Alert: ONE of these accounts is fake. Here’s Dolly on her throne, proving you don’t need a Crown to Sleigh. (I apologize for NOTHING!)
Pic: Better Homes & Garden via Instagram