Open Post: Hosted By Mariah Carey Announcing That It’s Christmas Season

November 1, 2022 / Posted by:

Now that the macabre and gore of Halloween has descended back into the pits of Hell, the Mistress of Mistletoe, Mariah Carey, yodeled out her holiday siren’s wail to announce, like the Peanuts gang, that Christmastiiimeee…is here. Well, not really, but as soon as those pumpkins get turned into pumpkin pie, Mariah is ready to straddle her reindeer to spread cheer across the land for weeks. And in tribute to her most lucrative holiday, Mariah wants us all to glaze over Thanksgiving and sing Christmas carols for the next sixty days until the new year rolls in to give us the reset we all need.

Billboard reports Mariah has been patiently awaiting her time to shine, and with good reason. Earlier this year, two hopeful Christmas royalty runner-ups, Darlene Love and Elizabeth Chan, DARED to contest Mariah’s reign, but their cries got banished to the Island of Misfit Toys with shipping and handling paid by Mariah herself. Therefore, Mariah is still the reigning Queen of Christmas! In preparation for another year of caroling for cash, Mariah took to her Instagram dressed as a witch to celebrate Halloween, but her REAL costume followed moments later.  And this year (like every year), she’s dressed as a woman who was smart enough to release a collection of Christmas music that she’s still making money from three decades later.

As the calendar flipped to Nov. 1, Mariah Carey let us know what time it is with a seasonal social post.

The clip opens in black and white with Carey on a stationary bike, dressed as a witch and surrounded by jack o’lanterns and CG bats.

Then, with a sucker punch of color, we’re thrust into Mariah’s winter wonderland. “It’s time,” she squeals. And, of course, “All I Want for Christmas Is You” rings out.

Oh, it’s time, all right. Time to cash those checks, bitch! And let’s just ignore the fact Mariah is riding on an exercise bike in the first half of the clip because I’m sure she’ll find a way to finesse that into a check as well (“All I want for Christmas…is fitness. Peleton bikes (big smile“) Product placement aside, Mariah can look forward to a truly festive season as her famous song will keep folks in chokeholds while they do their Thanksgiving AND Christmas shopping starting today.

Pic: Instagram

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