Most people who are lucky enough to still have living grandparents honor them by not spitting out the purse-linty Starlight Mint that they forced into your mouth or refraining from popping off so hard their pacemaker skips when they mention that they liked that Trump “wasn’t a politician.” But if you’re a celebrity whose entire life is built upon that time you fucked someone and made sure the world got to see it, you bond with your grandmother by casually chatting about the setting of your sexcapades. On the most recent episode of The Kardashians on Hulu, Kim Kardashian and her grandmother, Mary Jo, “MJ” Shannon, had a jovial conversation about Kim and her most recent ex, Pete Davidson, banging fireside.
The second season of The Kardashians is in full swing, and in that world, the audience is still under the impression that Kim and Pete didn’t call it quits and “omg you guys they have soooo much sex!” You know, just to compete with Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker’s constant humping. Kim had lunch with MJ and Khloé Kardashian and decided that this was the appropriate topic to broach with their 88-year-old grandma. via People:
“You know what’s so crazy?” she asked her grandmother. “Pete and I were staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel last weekend, and we were sitting in front of the fireplace, just talking for hours, and I was like, ‘My grandma told me that you really live life when you have sex in front of the fireplace,’ and so we had sex in front of the fireplace in honor of you.”
“I know that’s really creepy,” she added with a laugh.
MJ (who clearly hasn’t lived if this is her idea of really living, rather than partaking in a real challenge like pounding a Trenta iced coffee and then playing chicken with yourself by having to stay in a lunchtime line at the DMV) was completely unbothered and borderline unimpressed.
“Not in the lobby?” she asked.
“Not in the lobby!” Kim exclaimed. “But how creepy to think about your grandma before you have sex?”
Despite the awkward topic, MJ wasn’t fazed. “I know, but I was younger once. I was younger once,” she said.
Here’s Kim and Grandma bonding over their bangings:
“And no camera?” was probably on MJ’s mind too; Nana needs a new ivory-inlaid shuffleboard table. Later in their heartwarming gab, they had a phone convo with Pete about his (then) upcoming Blue Origin space dildo ride, which we now know was ill-fated, so no space-phone-sex would be possible, to MJ’s chagrin, probably.
“He’s really gonna go with Jeff Bezos,” she said, before receiving a phone call from Pete.
After putting Pete on speaker phone, Kim told him, “I’m with my mom, my grandma and Khloé. My grandma says she misses you.”
“I miss her, too!” Pete responded.
They even kind of touched on what we now know was the mere nascency of Kanye “Ye” West’s most recent spiral.
When Kris [Jenner] asked if he was nervous, Pete responded, “Nah, my personal life is scarier, to be completely honest,” referencing the then-ongoing drama between him and Kim’s ex, Kanye West.
“I can’t wait to get the f–– away from everybody … I think I’m gonna stay up there, babe,” he joked.
And if there ever was a more unrelatable cornucopia of topics in one single conversation, I haven’t heard it. Kim better kick it up like 80 notches if she intends to compete with Ye’s current reign of media terror. “Just you all wait,” snarled Kris Jenner through gritted teeth as she consecutively tapped her left-hand fingers–pinky through index–on her desk, while dusting off an antiquated film reel labeled “MJ Really Livin’, 1954” with her right.
Pics: Instagram/ROGER WONG/INSTARimages.com/Cover Images