Today in Terrible Roll Calls: Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Paul Haggis, And Danny Masterson Will All Be Standing Trial This Fall

So many alleged and convicted sex offenders, so little time. In today’s post #MeToo world, it’s harder than ever to keep abreast (sorry, poor choice) of all the many (OK, a paltry four) men in Hollywood who are currently facing trial for sexual offenses. According to Deadline, veteran defendants Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein, and consequences newcomers, former Scientologist Paul Haggis and current Scientologist Danny Masterson will each have their day/s in court this fall.

First up is Kevin, who is making the most out of the “unconditional bail” he was granted ahead of his ongoing sexual assault trial in London to rack up those Virgin Atlantic miles to appear in New York federal court last week to face off against Anthony Rapp (pictured above, no really). Anthony is accusing Kevin of trapping him in his bed at a party without his consent in 1986 when Anthony was just 14 years old. During opening arguments, Kevin’s team tried to paint Anthony as a “jealous, untruthful and unreliable,” actor who made it all up because “he never became the international star that Kevin Spacey did.” And besides, it is “objective fact” that Kevin’s apartment at the time was “so small that Rapp’s depiction of events could not have happened.” You know what they say, “if the pad don’t fit, you must acquit!” Or something to that effect.

But Kevin’s just the opening act at the New York Federal Court All-Star Review. Paul Haggis will be joining the bill next week as he defends himself against a film publicist named Haleigh Breest who claims Paul “assaulted her in 2013 after the two attended the premiere of the film Side Effects.” Like Kevin, Paul will also appear “on-loan” from Europe as he is currently under house arrest in Italy, having been accused of “non-consensual sex over the course of a number of days,” during a film festival in the southern Italian town of Ostuni by an unmanned woman. But unlike Kevin, Paul’s not blaming his alleged victim. Paul insists “the interaction with Breest was consensual,” and the judge in that case will allow his lawyers to argue that “the accusations are part of a harassment campaign” against him by the Church of Scientology, as he has previously insisted. Paul is due in court in New York on October 17.

Good thing Xenu, the extraterrestrial ruler of a Galactic Confederacy, is everything everywhere all at once and can be in two places at the same time because while he’s in New York pummeling Paul with operating thetans for his disloyalty and lies, he’s also going to be needed in Los Angeles to pummel the three women who have accused Danny of rape as he stands trial starting tomorrow. Danny faces up to 45 years if he’s found guilty, and even if he gets out alive, he’ll still owe David Miscavige the 999,000,065 years left on the contract he signed with him. Even so, I bet Harvey’s wishing he hadn’t told Tom Cruise to go suck a tailpipe all those years ago (assumed) because facing an imaginary billion year contract is still a better prospect than facing the possibility of a very real 140-year sentence if Harvey’s found guilty in his Los Angeles trial which also starts this week.

Deadline reports that while jury selection for Danny’s trial should be relatively quick since it’s LA and potential jurors only need show legal ID and a printout of their most recent E-meter results to be considered. But finding a jury willing to sit in the same room with a foul smelling beast with a million eyes protruding from its back, might be a tougher sell.

… jury selection in the Weinstein L.A. trial is sure to be contentious. Sources among both the defense and prosecutors anticipate it could take well over a week before a jury acceptable to both sides is seated in Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Lisa Lench’s courtroom.

Well, if Danny gets off before Harvey gets a jury, it might not be too late for Harvey to place a Hail Mary call to Tom, apologize for not offering him Robin Williams’ role in Good Will Hunting, and to let him know he’s finally ready to learn what Scientology can do for him.

Pic: Jane Rosenberg/Manhattan Federal Court via Instagram