A Christian Mom Warned Parents That Watching “Hocus Pocus 2” Could “Unleash Hell On Your Kids”

A Texas mom (a phrase which to me, reads as ominously as “Florida man”) has chosen Disney+’s Hocus Pocus 2 as the vehicle to ensure that she and her family will get to park their sanctimonious asses in their favorite pew indefinitely since church attendance is presumably down due to the increasingly hard-to-defend buffoonery of modern-day Christian fundies. Jamie Gooch (yes, GOOCH) recently shat out a long Facebook post that’s gone viral for warning parents against allowing Hocus Pocus 2 into their homes and also appeared on a news station to spread the word further.

Jamie posted her concern on her Facebook (which she has since locked down) on September 26, and it quickly made the rounds due to its raging bat-shittery:

Gooch then sat down with KWTX News because she’s a “woman of faith” who felt compelled to speak out against parents allowing the consumption of DARK-SIDED media in their homes, especially a movie about child-hungry witches who could cast spells through the TV screen. But ear-splitting music by Heidi Pratt? Probably totally fine. via KWTX:

“A worst case scenario is: you unleash hell on your kids and in your home,” said Jamie Gooch, “The whole movie is based on witches harvesting children for blood sacrifices…do not watch this film,” she warned. “Everybody thinks it’s fake and innocent, but they could be casting any type of spell that they want to, anything could be coming through that TV screen into your home.”

Gooch, who fancies herself some kind of bootleg Pioneer Woman, says that as the “gatekeeper of her home,” it’s important to be cognizant of what’s allowed in.

“I love everything to do with house and home, I love creating a safe environment for my family and friends to come into, I believe everything starts here, it all starts at home,” said Gooch.

“So beware–and be aware–of what we’re bringing into our homes and our everyday lives, my husband and our children should be experiencing something different here in our home than they’re experiencing out in the world.”

And of course, she’s the type who probably throws a shit-fit about what types of cups Starbucks puts her decaf hot chocolate in during the Lord’s season since she says there’s a spiritual war a-wagin’. Hocus Pocus 2 isn’t the only evil movie, but it’s the one she decided to use to get the attention she so desperately craves.

She believes there’s a spiritual war being waged against homes in America. “We have not participated in Halloween in about four or five years, it’s just not how we live our lives,” said Gooch. “It grieves me, the thought of exposing our kids to darkness.”

“I think it goes further than just a movie, it goes further than Halloween, it’s a year-round thing, we constantly need to be cautious of what we’re consuming, what we’re bringing in and what we’re sending out,” said Gooch. “I believe whatever comes in our TV screens: there are things attached to that, I’ve seen for myself the things that I’ve watched with my eyes or heard over a TV screen, they’ve become manifested in real life, and then I think ‘oh my gosh, what did I consume?’”

We get it, Gooch; fun is the enemy in your house. And while she hasn’t actually watched the movie, she knows people who did, which is a good enough reason to show her entire gooch to the world with this unhinged take.

Gooch says, like her, she has friends who didn’t see the film, but she also has other friends who did.

“I was talking about the movie with friends and family, and it just weighed heavy on my heart, because some people are doing things and they’re not even aware that they’re partaking in these things…most mistakes that I’ve done it’s because I didn’t know any better,” said Gooch. “If you don’t agree with me that’s fine, you need to go and follow your own heart and your own conviction, but for a Christian, we are held at a higher standard.”

Gooch says people need to start thinking for themselves (LOL) and that if she saves even one person from allowing the woogey-boogey into their home, her job here is done. 

“Just start thinking, start thinking for yourself and even overthink, and consider all the options of what you’re partaking in. I hope I make a difference, but even if it’s in one person’s life…that’s all that matters,” said Gooch. “It doesn’t have to be transforming Hollywood, I don’t have to make a huge impact, just a small one and I’d be happy and satisfied.”

Here’s Gooch championing being the least popular house in the neighborhood to hang out at:

Mother of 3 and Free Thinker, Jamie Gooch, is warning parents everywhere about the dangers of letting your children watch Hocus Pocus 2, a movie about the harvesting of the purity of children’s souls. 😐🥴 pic.twitter.com/H0TYfWucel

— dara faye (@darafaye) October 5, 2022

I get it, Gooch; I was a little jealous when I caught my first glimpse of Sarah Jessica Parker’s majestically lifted sin-bags in the original Hocus Pocus, but trying to stymie the success of the sequel 29 years later is a little drastic. Even holy Hailey Bieber has embraced Halloween, so who’s Gooch to judge? There’s even a whole corner of TikTok dedicated to Hocus Pocus 2 “char-boo-terie” boards, so I choose to believe that something that inspires a beautiful display of meats and cheeses couldn’t possibly be malevolent.

Pic: Instagram/Disney+/Facebook