Warner Bros. Will Now Consider Shelving “The Flash” As A Last Resort If Ezra Miller Doesn’t Simmer Down

August 11, 2022 / Posted by:

Considering that Ezra Miller’s cross-continental crime spree continues apace, Warner Bros. has finally had to face the elephant in the room and decide whether they want to go ahead and calmly escort Ezra away from The Flash so they can give it a proper burial, or just let Ezra continue his stampede unhindered, right into the offices of their new parent company, Warner Bros. Discovery, leaving behind a trail of squished donuts and interns in their wake. The Hollywood Reporter reports that despite previous assurances/threats that The Flash will be getting a theatrical release no matter how many villagers Ezra has terrorized, after getting charged with felony burglary earlier this week, “an outright shelving of the film is not off the table.” Haha, jokes on them though. Ezra already demolished that table and now it’s just dust.

In case you haven’t signed up for Ezra alerts on your phone (which I highly recommend you do for your own safety), their most recent bout of fuckery came to a head last weekend when authorities in Vermont visited Ezra at their farmhouse looking for a woman who had been staying there with her three young children to serve her with an emergency care order because they felt her kids were in danger under her care. Sources claimed there were “unattended guns lying around the home and alleged they saw the one-year-old put a stray bullet in her mouth.” Since they finally caught Ezra at home, they took the opportunity to cite them for felony burglary for allegedly stealing alcohol from a different house while the owners were not at home. According to Rolling Stone:

Police are looking to locate a 25-year-old mother and her three young children who had been living at Ezra Miller’s Vermont farm, with officials citing concern that the Flash star is shielding their whereabouts, Rolling Stone has learned.

Over the weekend, Vermont State Police repeatedly attempted to serve the mother an emergency care order that demanded the children’s removal from her care and the home over fear for their safety. But Miller claimed the family hasn’t lived there in months, which the Vermont State Attorney’s office said seemed like an attempt to “evade service” of the order, according to the court document obtained by Rolling Stone.

It was during one of these visits to find the mother that Miller was served a citation for a burglary charge for allegedly breaking into a house and stealing several bottles of alcohol in May.

So yeah, Ezra is one scary fucking elephant. I know they don’t have rabies in Hawaii, which is where Ezra met this woman, but maybe they were attacked by a rabid Kardashian at the Met Gala some years back. Ezra told authorities that the woman and her kids had left months ago but she “had been active almost daily on Instagram, posting quotes, selfies inside Miller’s home and snapshots of the property, before going dark on social media around mid-July.” So not super or heroic behavior. So now Warner Bros. has a decision to make and has three options as they see it.

In one scenario, Ezra, with the support of their mom who is currently with them, would “seek professional help” and could “give an interview at some point explaining their erratic behavior over the past few years.” Then they could do “limited press for The Flash, and the movie would open in cinemas as planned.” In another scenario, if Ezra doesn’t seek help, they could release the film in theaters as planned but Ezra would not have “a prominent role in terms of marketing and publicity,” and they’d recast for any future Flash films. Or, if all else fails and Ezra winds up in jail or worse, there’s always the tranquilizer gun option.

The third: The situation with Miller deteriorates further. This would see Warners killing the movie outright, as it could not be reshot with a different actor. Miller plays multiple characters and is in almost every scene. Scrapping a $200 million film would be an unprecedented move.

I don’t know how much further the situation needs to deteriorate before they wake up to a rabid elephant tearing their head accountant’s throat out with a bedazzled tusk. And at the rate Ezra’s going, I’m afraid option number four may be the choice of last resort — Let Ezra release The Flash as an NFT and see what happens!

Pic: Hahn Lione/ABACA/INSTARimages.com

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