Since the rebirth of the love story and eventual Vegas marriage of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Affleck (née, Jennifer Lopez), it seems like their publicity machine has been hard at work attempting to manufacture shits for anyone to give–just one solitary, single shit–but so far the most interesting thing about their union is that they’re the owners of a soda machine that dispenses both Diet Pepsi AND Diet Coke. They’ve definitely tried it though since linking back up: we heard about their Valentine’s Day gifts; our brainspace has been invaded with the knowledge that Ben proposed while Jen was in the bubble bath; we’ve been made privy to their love nest search. They even tried to bring some levity and relatability to the table when Ben’s son made a public and very bougie oopsie right in front of the paps. Alas, the quest to win over the people’s interest has gone about as well as Gigli did, so today’s news is that TMZ “obtained” (AKA JLo’s people sent over the receipts) their marriage certificate.
JLo and Ben got married a little after midnight on July 17 in what seemed like a very non-JLo sanctioned way (which was probably another failed attempt to gather attention). I would’ve expected more tulle, diamonds, and fanfare, but instead they gave us whatever this was. via TMZ:
We obtained the official document from Ben and Jen’s surprise wedding in Sin City, and it shows the couple got married at the famous Little White Wedding Chapel on the Las Vegas strip.
Ben and J Lo’s marriage was performed by Pastor Ryan Wolfe…and they got hitched in front of a witness named Kenosha Booth.
The certificate also has Ben and Jen’s legal names…Benjamin Geza Affleck and Jennifer Lynn Lopez…and shows J Lo wanting to take Ben’s last name and be known as Jennifer Affleck after marriage.
Here it is:
We just received the marriage certificate for Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. “It was filed today by staff of the Clark County Clerk,” according to a county spokesperson. pic.twitter.com/Rt5jJvHatG
— David Charns (@davidcharns) August 1, 2022
And as we know, the Afflecks are planning a bigger celebration at Ben’s faux plantation in Georgia. Page Six says that they’ve hired party planner to the STAHS Colin Cowie to plan the 3-day event that I’m sure will include all of the extravagant nonsense we’ve come to expect from JLo like mink eyelashes and personalized cashmere tracksuits.
Multiple sources exclusively tell Page Six that the newlyweds — who got legally hitched in Las Vegas on July 16 — have hired luxury event planner Colin Cowie to create the lavish wedding bash of their dreams.
One insider confirmed that the party will take place at Affleck’s 87-acre property in Riceboro, Ga., likely in the next few weeks.
We were told that the two- or three-day ordeal would be for “everyone they love but could not invite” to their shock nuptials in Sin City.
The source also said the couple’s guest list includes famous pals Casey Affleck, Matt Damon, Jimmy Kimmel and Lopez’s “Shades of Blue” co-star, Drea de Matteo.
And if still no one cares? Time to broadcast Ben’s colonoscopy. All of that nicotine, diet fountain soda, and frigid Dunkin’ iced coffee is sure to cause some GI issues (in addition to the cold feet he already suffered from).