Who Is May’s Hot Slut Of The Month?
April’s Hot Slut of the Month was won by the Cheetos-Loving Javelina of Arizona, and that means the animal kingdom is sweeping HSOTM!!! Oscar the “gay dog” won March’s HSOTM title and Luke the “party for one” dog won February’s HSOTM title. Although, the animal kingdom’s HSOTM streak may come to an end this month unless the chaos-creating NYC rat runs away with that shit. As always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes and the fourth is a wild card picked by me. Your choices for May are:
Glitter ‘N Gold Jem, the beyond opulent Jem doll that is so special and spectacular that it’s one of the only things in the world that is actually increasing in value, as stocks fall (don’t fact-check me on that).
Patti LuPone’s Mask Rant, the latest beautiful sermon that La LuPone delivered during a Q&A for Company on Broadway when some tricks refused to wear their masks correctly. I have heard that those messes were so embarrassed by La LuPone checking them that they’ve had their masks surgically attached to their faces so that this never happens again (don’t fact-check me on that, either).
The Chaos-Creating Rat, the rat who made Yakety Sax fill everyone’s head by creating a zany scene at a dog park in NYC just by being a rat in the middle of a dog park in NYC.
Julian Grander, the Jeopardy! contestant who became the backward-talking chanteuse when he sang the alphabet in reverse. And even though Julian’s talent freaked me out and had me reaching for the holy water, I’d much rather watch him do that on a loop than watch Mayim Bialick awkwardly host another Jeopardy! episode.
Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be named in this space and in Crumbs next Tuesday, June 21!
UPDATE: The Animal Kingdom’s HSOTM reign has come to an end because Patti LuPone’s Mask Rant is our Hot Slut of May with 51.8% of the votes. Thanks to all who voted!
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