Queen Elizabeth’s long-anticipated Platinum Jubilee weekend spectacular has finally drawn to a close, and there were many notable moments. The only problem when you’re celebrating a 96-year-old monarch is that sometimes she’s not going to be there for those moments. The Queen hasn’t been feeling her absolute best in recent days, so her attendance record for this Jubilee was just a little more than spotty. Can you blame her? She’s old and rich. I wouldn’t be wasting my precious energy on any more waves and smiles than necessary either. But The Queen did show up for the final event of her four-day celebration, the Platinum Jubilee Pageant.
If this is where you think I’m about to report that The Queen dazzled everyone by dropping her little cane and enthusiastically sweeping the talent, swimsuit, and evening gown categories, I regret to inform you it was not that type of pageant. The Platinum Jubilee Pageant was basically a two-mile parade composed of military personnel, horses, corgi puppets, and civilians acting out The Queen’s life. There’s no way in Hell that I would miss the chance to see the grand spectacle of corgi puppets, and clearly, The Queen had the same thought. Because People magazine says that Liz made it out onto the Buckingham Palace balcony to watch the parade. Here’s The Queen showing face on the balcony for the final event of the Jubilee. Much like for the first event of the Jubilee, the Trooping the Colour, The Queen was joined by Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla, Prince William, Duchess Kate, Princes George and Louis, and Princess Charlotte. Prepare your ears accordingly, because when The Queen walked through those doors and onto the balcony, people went nuts. The only possible way the crowd could have gotten rowdier would have been if The Queen hollered down into the crowd, “Oh, you want a show?” and started aggressively making out with Tom Cruise.
Queen Elizabeth greets crowds from the Buckingham Palace balcony at the end of the #PlatinumJubilee pageant to mark her 70 years on the British throne https://t.co/myzmOjem4S pic.twitter.com/sT2omDq1KR
— Reuters (@Reuters) June 6, 2022
After the parade was over, Queen Elizabeth issued a statement, acknowledging that she wasn’t able to attend all the events in her honor, but that it was very special and meaningful all the same.
“When it comes to how to mark 70 years as your Queen, there is no guidebook to follow. It really is a first,” she said in the statement. “But I have been humbled and deeply touched that so many people have taken to the streets to celebrate my Platinum Jubilee.”
“While I may not have attended every event in person, my heart has been with you all; and I remain committed to serving you to the best of my ability, supported by my family.”
“I have been humbled and deeply touched that so many people have taken to the streets to celebrate my Platinum Jubilee.”
— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) June 5, 2022
Look at that, 96-years-old and still deeply humble. Because if I was The Queen, my statement would have been very different. “Hi everyone! Sorry I bailed on so many events. What are you going to do, I get pretty tired by 1pm. But I believe you all owe me a huge Thank You. Four days’ worth of events, and barely a Prince Andrew sighting to be had? I’m sure all your gag reflexes are very grateful. You’re welcome for that.”