Imagine spending 70 years on the British throne in an uncomfortable gold crown and an endless amount of pastel skirt suits, denied even the most basic of life’s pleasures, like peeling and eating a banana like a regular person, just to get upstaged by a couch-jumping Yankee at one of your many Platinum Jubilee celebrations? The indignity! I’d suggest he be taken straight to the gallows for reprogramming, but Tom Cruise might respond, “Cool, which ones – yours or ours?“, and that might just confuse things further. Luckily Queen Elizabeth has many more Platinum Jubilee events to be the star of. She just had her spotlight stolen a bit at this most recent one, and not just by Tom Cruise, but also by Dame Helen Mirren, who was in attendance as well.
Over the weekend, Liz hit up “A Gallop Through History,” which was the first of many Jubilee events planned. The event was put on by the Windsor Horse Show and paid tribute to The Queen’s 70 years. The Queen loves horses, so it all makes sense, from a brand extension point of view. And, she already attended one event at the Horse Show late last week. Plus the event took place just around the corner from Queen Elizabeth’s permanent home at Windsor Castle, so it’s definitely her thing. People magazine notes that she showed up with her son, Prince Edward, and watched a horsie performance by the Household Cavalry, which is The Queen’s official ceremonial bodyguards. Plenty of people, including People, have described Queen Elizabeth’s mood as “animated,” which I guess is enough to dispel any tinfoil hat-adjacent conspiracies that the UK is currently experiencing a Weekend at Bernie’s situation. See, she’s smiling! She hasn’t done that since she figured out how easy it is to carve the pages out of a book and hide a sneaky bottle of gin.
no thoughts just Queen Elizabeth smiling and having fun pic.twitter.com/7LIvDIom3E
— Mae (@lomlkge) May 15, 2022
And according to The Independent, Tom Cruise’s presence at “A Gallop Through History” caused “chaos” at the event, and it got so chaotic that police were reportedly called in to do some crowd control. Who knew there were so many Top Gun fans in attendance! Once inside, Tom introduced a segment that celebrated four sections of the UK (aka England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland), and also gave a little shout-out to her majesty herself. via People:
“[To] people of all walks of life — not just America but the world — [she’s admired for] dignity, devotion and kindness that I have always felt about her,” he said. “And [she is] someone who understands her position and held it through a history of 70 years.”
Tom also introduced the Royal Horse Artillery, aka the King’s Troop, who charged around the ring, holding flags, and just generally looking like what you’d expect if The Queen herself tapped her scepter and said, “Ahem – I now command you and the ponies to CHAAAAAARGE.”
Britain's Queen Elizabeth attended the finale of a four-day horse show that celebrated her 70 years on the throne and drew a star-studded cast including Hollywood actor Tom Cruise and British actor Helen Mirren https://t.co/BvEEXlifOY pic.twitter.com/G1ZgjAFq92
— Reuters (@Reuters) May 16, 2022
As for Helen Mirren, she covered her face in some #001 – Baking Power White foundation, a curly wig, and about 50 pounds of brocade fabric to recite a speech as Elizabeth I. Personally I would have asked her to perform a monologue about cars and family from The Fate of the Furious, but that’s just me.
— BritBoxUS (@BritBox_US) May 15, 2022
This was one of the bigger events planned for The Queen’s Jubilee before the big Platinum J Weekend kicks off in June. And obviously, The Queen had a great time. What’s not to love? Horses, celebrities, a comfy chair and a shawl, a quick drive home after it’s all done. I bet if you looked up Queen Elizabeth’s ideal Saturday night, that’s it. Plus, she got to bring one of her sons. That might be why she was smiling so much – because she realized she made a good choice by selecting Edward as her chaperone. Had she picked Prince Andrew, she probably would have spent the whole evening wondering where the hell he’d disappeared off to. And the answer to that would be that Andrew would be off pestering Tom Cruise about taking on a mission, should he choose to accept it. “I know it sounds like Mission: Impossible, but can you please figure out a way to convince my mummy to allow me back on the balcony for her Jubilee? Tom, please, I’m sure it’s no sweat. Not that I know anything about sweating, right?”