Open Post: Hosted By A Raccoon Who Got Evicted From His Trash Can By The Cops

April 19, 2022 / Posted by:

Picture it. You’re a wee raccoon residing in Auburn Hills, Michigan. Where’s the best place to settle down so you can receive a constant stream of delicious garbage? Answer: a trash can. The Oscar the Grouch special. I mean, yes, it’s technically squatting (raccoons don’t really understand the concept of “rent”), but who gives a shit? Answer #2: the goddamn cops, who couldn’t wait to take down Trash Can Raccoon. Big effing surprise!

Yesterday the Auburn Hills Police Department’s Facebook page (via UPI) uploaded a video of one of their officers evicting the poor raccoon from its garbage home. The footage shows the cop sneaking towards the trash can, knocking on the lid, and announcing, “Police department! Search warrant!” As soon as the cowardly officer runs away, the raccoon pops his head out of his door-flap, as if to say: “Who disturbs my slumber?!” The caption reads: “Here is actual video of a search warrant our Officers served this weekend. The bandit surrendered without incident.”

Obviously, I’m Team Trash Can Raccoon ’til my dying day, but he shouldn’t have come out of his home so quickly! The correct move would have been to play possum until the police actually presented their so-called “search warrant” (which I’m not convinced even exists). No word on what happened to the little bandit after he was kicked out of his home, but I hope he’s discussing his options with a shark, bulldog, or (legal) eagle!

Pic: Facebook

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