Who Is March’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

Luke, the shelter dog who made us dead-hearted assholes feel something on the inside when he was the only guest at his Valentine’s Day meet-and-greet, is now our Hot Slut of February 2022 thanks to getting 46% of the votes. And now let’s move on to crowning March’s HSOTM, which has come down to a breakout star of THAT moment at the Oscars, a fuckery jewel from the Bizarre Cartoon Hall of Fame, a dog who was dumped by his caca-brained owners for “being gay,” and a Chihuahua ballerina for the ages! The first three picks got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the fourth was picked by me. Your choices for March are:

Lupita Nyong’o’s Many Faces, the journey that Lupita Nyongo’s facial expressions took us on when she realized that Will Smith spanking Chris Rock in the face at the Oscars was a real moment and not fake. Lupita’s expressions easily replaced Kylie Jenner as the poster child for The Year Of Realizing Stuff.

Laverne & Shirley In The Army, the 1981 Laverne & Shirley cartoon where Laverne and Shirley joined the army and were bossed around by Porky Pig’s butch sergeant cousin. Laverne and Shirley also fought aliens and time-traveled in their cartoon. It was just another work of art that proved that the 80s was a helluva drug.

Oscar (formerly Fezco), the doggy whose idiotic ex-humans dumped him at a shelter because he humped on another dude dog and they didn’t want a “gay dog” in their house. But he got a big gay happy ending because he was adopted by a gay couple who have renamed him Oscar after Oscar Wilde. So Oscar is now living his best gay life!

Joya, the Chihuahua who brought grace, elegance, and high-powered talent to the Crufts international dog show when she performed a stirring rendition of Swan Lake with her human. Actually, I shouldn’t call it just a “stirring rendition” since that cheapens it. I need to call it what it is which is the new GOLD STANDARD of Swan Lake performances!

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be announced in this space and in Crumbs on Wednesday, April 13!

UPDATE: Oscar the “gay dog” has prevailed! Oscar is now March’s HSOTM with nearly 50% of the votes. Thanks to all who voted!

Pics: Twitter, IMDB, Stanly County Animal Protective Services, Twitter