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Clairol’s Body Language Massage System!
And now let’s pay tribute to another magnificent artifact from the Museum Of Beauty Products Lost that everyone’s mom, grandma, or auntie has in the back of her junkiest bathroom cabinet. While we all know that the Linda Evans-approved Rejevunique serial killer electrocuting face mask is the master of old-school beauty scams electronic beauty devices, Clairol threw their own electric beauty tool into the ring years before with the Body Language massager!
Clairol’s Body Language Massage came out in the late-70s, I believe. It was supposed to be the jade roller of the future! It was a Kermit-colored massager that had two speeds and came with several attachments to use to massage your face, shoulders, scalp, and thighs (wink wink). This is how Clairol described its Gumby’s telephone-looking ass massager:
Body Language is a quiet, lightweight massage system with 2 speeds and 4 attachments to soothe, stimulate, and refresh the entire body.
And here’s a YouTube video that shows a vintage Body Language massager:
My mom never had one of these and if she did, it’d be stuck in the back of her bathroom cabinet which looks straight out of an episode of Hoarders if the hoarder had an addiction to Sally’s Beauty Supply. So if I ever want one of these, I’d have to troll eBay or yard sales for one. And yes, I’d make sure to Lysol off the dust before using it. And I’m not just talking about regular dust. I’m talking about someone’s mom’s coochie dust!
Pic: eBay