Prince Andrew Will Reportedly Flip Out If His Servants Don’t Arrange The Teddy Bears And Pillows On His Bed Properly

Congratulations go out to Prince Andrew because this might be the first story about him in a long time that doesn’t explicitly feature the fact that he’s currently being sued for sexual assault with an alleged minor, or him losing more princely benefits due to that pesky lawsuit. That’s the upside, but the downside is we’ve got a story about Prince Andrew that makes him sound like an even more entitled, bigger spoiled brat than we likely all assumed him to be. A royal source tells The Sun that they have seen Prince Andrew’s explicit instructions for how he likes his bed to be meticulously made every morning. And if you don’t place Andy’s precious pillows and stuffies juuuuust right, he’ll throw a royal fit.

Prince Andrew is a 61-year-old man, but apparently, he’s got the aesthetic of a teenage girl (Jeffrey Epstein’s ears just perked up from beyond the grave). According to The Sun, Prince Andrew has to micro-manage every aspect of the bed-making process in his bedroom at Buckingham Palace, down to the exact angle his grey stuffed hippo or cuddly black panther is positioned on the bed. I’m not making a joke, there is allegedly a grey stuffed hippo and a cuddly black panther who take up valuable real estate on Prince Andrew’s bed. Among many other things.

A royal source who has seen the handwritten guide said the list included two hippos and a black panther to be specially set out.

They said it tells staff a specific way of making his bed, including arranging three cushions called “Daddy”, “Ducks” and “Prince”.

The sketch shows precisely where to place his blankets, all five ­teddies and a fur – ordering that its ribbons must hang off his bed.

A pillow that reads “Daddy” is pretty self-explanatory – Prince Andrew has two kids. “Prince,” well – that again is obvious. But “Ducks“? That’s probably because he’s great at ducking the FBI every time they come to ask him questions. And they better go in the right order, or Andrew will “scream and shout” if his bedroom toys are arranged out of order.

The laminated instructions – titled DOY [Duke of York] bed: Points for turn down & making the bed” – were kept near the Duke’s Buckingham Palace bedroom. Staff wrote: “When the DOY is staying overnight, place one small teddy & cushion in the turn down.

“When making the bed, place the teddy & cushion next to the teddy on the left- hand side with the necklaces on.” Underneath in capital letters, it stresses: “Do not loose (sic) the teddy & cushion!!”

This is likely very embarrassing for Prince Andrew, but it’s extremely funny for the rest of us. Especially when you see The Sun’s hypothetical mock-up of what that bed situation could look like.

The mystique of monarchy pic.twitter.com/jj12BgX9F1

— Peter Hunt (@_PeterHunt) January 17, 2022

A gold bed makes sense for an adult prince who lives in one of the most famous palaces on Earth. But are we sure he doesn’t sleep in a Laura Ashley canopy bed with all those decorative pillows and stuffed animals? I have a feeling we won’t be getting confirmation either way. Also, I’m a little bit suspicious of The Sun’s royal source. They claim you can find 5 friends on Prince Andrew’s bed, but they didn’t mention the ventriloquist puppet that he keeps close by? Or maybe Fergie sleeps in a different room.

Pic: Wenn.com