Peloton’s Stock Dropped And They Are Pissed After What Happened In “And Just Like That…”

After more than a year of edging fans with constant rumors, updates and teases leading up to the premiere of the Sex and The City revival And Just Like That…, HBO Max finally dropped the first two episodes. ***SPOILER ALERT!!!!*** The first episode finds Sarah Jessica Parker’s Carrie happily married to Chris Noth’s Mr. Big. In the couple’s opulent penthouse stands Chekhov’s Peloton, looming over the mundanity of their domestic life, threatening to CHANGE EVERYTHING. And ***SPOILER ALERT AGAIN*** it does. But you probably already knew that if you saw that overnight, Peloton’s stock price dropped faster than the remote control did out of my hand as I rushed to MAKE IT STOP before the next episode auto-played. This show is atrocious. Oh, and Big had a heart attack and died.

The hints leading up to Big’s Peloton-induced coronary were about as subtle as one of Carrie’s many brunch-fits. Big jokes about having a hot date later with a woman named “Allegra,” his favorite Peloton instructor. Big smokes a cigar and Carrie makes a big deal about it being his “weekly cigar,” suggesting he’s following doctor’s orders. In fact, eerily, Big’s very last words on this earth are “either this Peloton goes or I do” after he stubs his toe on it. People reports that Peloton was aware that their bike, and one of their instructors, Jess King, would be appearing on the show. But HBO reportedly wouldn’t let them see a script beforehand so they were as shocked as we were to see Big keel over mid-workout. And by “we” I mean those of us who have limited cognitive function after having been lulled into a dribbling stupor by the past 45 minutes of truly, truly abysmal television. No wonder Peloton is pissed. And now that their stock price took a nosedive overnight, they are in full damage control mode.

Dr. Suzanne Steinbaum, a member of Peloton’s health and wellness advisory council and a preventative cardiologist, said in a statement to the Los Angeles Times on Thursday that while she’s “sure SATC fans, like me, are saddened by the news that Mr. Big dies of a heart attack,” the fact that he was on the exercise bike just beforehand has little to do with his death.

“Mr. Big lived what many would call an extravagant lifestyle — including cocktails, cigars, and big steaks — and was at serious risk as he had a previous cardiac event in Season 6,” the statement continued, referring to Big’s heart procedure in the 11th episode of Season 6, titled “The Domino Effect.”

“These lifestyle choices and perhaps even his family history, which often is a significant factor, were the likely cause of his death. Riding his Peloton Bike may have even helped delay his cardiac event,” Steinbaum said.

Huh, TIL I live an extravagant lifestyle! If you swap cigars for jazz cigarettes and big steaks for small steaks of questionable quality. You might think that having a beloved character, on a much-anticipated premiere, die from a massive coronary event while going hard on one of their bikes would be the second-worst advertisement for Peloton since their own advertising fiasco from 2 years ago, but you’d be wrong. According to Rolling Stone:

Shares of Peloton tumbled from around $45 before the And Just Like That… premiere down to, at press time, $39.42. As the Wrap notes, the stock price drop wasn’t entirely Big-related: Credit Suisse recently downgraded Peloton’s earnings potential on the belief that people would eventually return to gyms following the pandemic as opposed to working out at home.

After watching the first episode, I was praying for death myself. That shit was so bad I had a mini-psychotic break and started searching Craig’s List Manhattan to see if Carrie was selling Big’s death bike thinking I could get it shipped in time for me to ride it out of my house and away from my TV for good. And I’m lucky my late-night attempt to buy Peloton stock was thwarted by the fact that I was so loopy from boredom that I was using a banana to call my broker. Because that would have been a terrible investment.

Pic: HBO