Open Post: Hosted By New Hampshire’s Reindeer Burglar

New Hampshirites! Please be on the lookout for a suspect wanted in a break-and-enter at an elementary school in Barnstead. Suspect is a male reindeer with one antler; the other antler was left at the scene of the crime. Suspect broke in through a window at noon on Sunday (thank God the kids weren’t there) and escaped through a second window before he could be captured by cops and firefighters. The Barnstead Police Department alleges that one of their officers heard a voice in the distance yell, “On Dancer!”, but I’m gonna chalk that up to typical cop bullshit.

Here’s the Barnstead Police Department’s Facebook post, which includes a police sketch of the suspect:

https://www.facebook.com/barnsteadpd.org/posts/3054176634857602

Police say they believe that the reindeer is “part of an organized crime group breaking into buildings in New Hampshire.” Um, HELLO. Did it occur to them that maybe this B&E is practice for a larger operation later on in the month? I know Santa is usually the one who sneaks into homes and leaves gifts, but maybe he’s delegating some of these duties to his reindeer in a Succession-style “Who’s gonna take over the business when I die?” practice run.

Or maybe this has nothing to do with Christmas. Maybe this reindeer broke into the school because he wanted to try his hoof at getting a proper education. “Dancer” was born and bred to be one of Santa’s reindeer. The poor bastard never had a choice. And maybe he’s over it! Maybe he wants to learn to read! Expand his horizons! And now he’s a wanted criminal with a missing antler? Sigh. The system is broken.

Pic: YouTube