October’s Hot Slut Of The Month Is….
If you’ve been keeping track on how the animal kingdom has been doing during this year’s Hot Slut of the Month competitions (SPOILER ALERT: You haven’t. Only my bored ass has), then you know that they were cleaning up until confused drunken icon Beyhan Mutlu, a human, fucked up their reign by winning last month’s HSOTM. Well, the crown is back on the head of an animal, because Noodle, the elder pug who has become the internet’s favorite soothsayer, has won!
Noodle got 58% of the votes, easily taking down his competition including Fabergé Organics (which got 20% of the votes), The Potato Dick Statue of Cyprus (11%), and James, the Powerball player with Mustang wishes and cocaine dreams (also 11%). Noodle is now our tenth Hot Slut of the Month champion and will battle it out in the Hot Slut of the Year showdowns in January.
Noodle is the pug who is now an internet STAH thanks to his human posting his daily wake-up calls on TikTok and Instagram. If Noodle does what most of us want to do every single morning (read: go back to fucking bed), it’s a No Bones Day, which means it’s a day to not make any big decisions. If Noodle stays upright and doesn’t plop down into a furry puddle of lazy, it’s a Bones Day, which means it’s a good day to get shit done. And today, it was declared a Bones Day!
No, no, Noodle didn’t get up because the delicious scent of pre-Thanksgiving foods was calling his stomach. He obviously got up because he knew he won Hot Slut of the Month and was sitting up with immense pride. That’s the only explanation. Thanks to all who voted!
Pic: Instagram