Jake Gyllenhaal’s Rumored Cat, Ms. Fluffle Stilt Skin, Has Spoken Up On His Behalf
Ms. Fluffle Stilt Skins has spoken! Ok well, she’s meouched. Jake Gyllenhaal’s unofficial spokescat has issued a statement on Instagram pleading “ya’ll need to calm down and stop cyber bullying.” And I think we know, all too well, who “y’all” is here. While a source tells E! News that Jake doesn’t “read gossip” and has “no interest in it,” Jake himself hasn’t publicly commented on the renewed vitriol coming his way from Taylor Swift fans since the release of Red (Taylor’s Version) version of All Too Well (10-Minute Version) with an accompanying music video directed by Taylor herself. But Ms. Fluffle isn’t afraid to let her 44.5K followers know there will be no Jake slander tolerated on HER interwebs! Now, you may be wondering why and how Jake has come to have an official spokescat, even though he’s allergic. Well, the answer is simple. The internet is a vast and ponderous place where tear-stained pussies wield the power of Gods.
The cat, who some people believe is Jake’s, had this to say to people coming for him over things that may or may not have happened, 10 years ago, during a 3-month relationship, in the exact way Taylor wrote about it, in her song All Too Well.
You don’t need to be a Swiftian scholar (apologies Jonathan Swift stans, but you’re old and lame!) to decipher the meaning of Ms. Fluffle’s message. It means get thee to a gay trailer park and chill the fuck out! And while Jake may endorse this message, it’s unlikely to have come from him. Jake’s played coy over the years about whether or not he sleeps with Ms. Fluffle. What we do know is that he follows her on Instagram and has a long history of interacting with her through her comments. Things got a little more serious last year during the election when Ms. Fluffle seemingly endorsed Bernie Sanders for President, captioning a post “feline this guy” with a picture of herself standing in front of the TV while Bernie gave a speech. According to Another Man Magazine, that led some to believe that Jake was behind the message. But you need to read Another Cat Magazine to get the real story. Nobody, not even Jake, tells Ms. Fluffle what to do! She’s the original Nightcrawler, bitch! When asked about it, Jake said, unequivocally, “I don’t have cats.”
It seems people really think this is true.
“One of my favourite things about Fluffle Stilt Skin, a cat that I do know…”
You do know this cat!
“I do know the cat. And she’s a magnificent cat. And, as every American, she is entitled to endorse whomever she would like to endorse.”
So how are you brought into this?
“I will say one thing: you will get no clarity from this situation that you’re hoping for. Except to tell you that I have a dog. I’m allergic to cats.”
Ms. Fluffle also denied being Jake’s cat:
Then again, Jake also talked about Ms. Fluffle to Yahoo! News a few years ago, answering the question “your cat or not your cat?” with a comic wink to the camera.
Jake’s obviously not to be trusted with the truth or with tender young hearts. But he obviously likes cats (and dogs) so he can’t really be all bad. And in an interview with Pioneer Works (I know, how did Cat Real Fancy not nab it!), Ms. Fluffle said “my best mood is mischievous,” so she and Jake have that in common. Jake and Ms. Puss In Boots The House Down over here, are clearly in cahoots. Now we just sit back and wait for all hell to break loose when Ms. Fluffle shows up later this week wearing that scarf.
Pic: YouTube