Cryptic no more! Shailene Woodley has come out with a strong and direct message to those who would “disparage” her dumb jock fiance by going full Mean Girls on some poor “rando” in streets by suggesting he has a tiny dick. According to Page Six, Shailene was reacting to a photo published by The Daily Mail which purported to show her fiance, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, strolling around with a cup of coffee after being diagnosed with COVID-19. While it’s 100% accurate and true to say Aaron practically begged the coronavirus to rush his end zone by taking his medical advice from Joe Fucking Rogan, that man with the coffee’s dick is probably too small to be Aaron’s. And Shailene should know. She hangs out with a lot of big dicks.
I guess using phrases like “literally lol’ing over here” and calling people “dummies” and “my dears,” as she did in her previous post, were just cringey warmups before going straight-up Girl Boss Wife Guy on our asses. According to Page Six:
Shailene Woodley bizarrely bragged about how well she knows fiancé Aaron Rodgers’ body — including his nether regions — while shaming an innocent man who was inaccurately ID’d as the NFL player.
The “Big Little Lies” actress took to social media Tuesday to slam Daily Mail for misidentifying the Green Bay Packers quarterback in photos, blasting the outlet for “grasping at straws to disparage Aaron” amid backlash over his COVID-19 vaccine statements.
Woodley, 29, posted screenshots from the story and drew a circle around the mystery man’s feet and added three pink arrows pointing to them.
“i know aaron’s body. VERY well. first off, his feet, ahem and no offense to this rando dude, are a LOT bigger. ;).”
Woodley called it “straight up HILARIOUS” that paparazzi are “finding random fucking men on the streets of la and saying it’s him.”
“literally y’all need to calm the fuck down,” she added.
Here’s her post which includes Shailene disparaging this poor innocent dude’s feet, hands, and car.
— Tyler (@TylerHerrick) November 9, 2021
OK, we get it. Nobody is zooming in to check for monkey knuckles, we believe you. It’s not Aaron. Tell us something we don’t know, my dear. Like are you vaccinated? It’s a weird thing for her to get hung up on since we’re making fun of Aaron because he’s a dumbass who admitted to taking ivermectin on Joe Fucking Rogan’s recommendation, not because he has the smooth, hairless hands of GAP mannequin like the poor chump in the picture here. Look, I know I said nobody was zooming in, and that’s still true. I did enhance the image though. But potato/potahto, vaccinated/immunized. What’s the difference?! It’s not Aaron, OK? This man clearly still has worms.