Ted Cruz Tried To Burn Patton Oswalt On Twitter Over COVID Safety Measures At Live Shows
Ted Cruz, a junior Senator for Texas, decided to make the extremely stupid choice to attempt to insult professional comedian Patton Oswalt. It all started last week when Patton announced on Instagram that he’d be requiring proof of vaccination or a recent negative COVID test for attendees of his upcoming stand-up tour, Patton Oswalt Live: Who’s Ready To Laugh. Patton explained that while most of the venues agreed to go along with his plan, four venues refused: three in Florida (of course) and one in Salt Lake City. So Patton pulled those dates, explaining that, “my ego is not big enough to think that people should die to hear my stupid comedy.”
The conservative news outlet, The Blaze, tweeted a link to their article covering Patton’s canceled shows, and this is when Ted Cruz entered the chat. He retweeted the piece and added the savage burn, “Both of his fans were disappointed.” WHOA. Shots. Fired. How the hell was Patton gonna top that? The answer was: rather effortlessly.
Here’s the initial video of Patton announcing he’s canceling some of his shows:
Here’s Ted’s tweet:
Both of his fans were disappointed. https://t.co/2JdepUcLjh
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) September 9, 2021
And here’s professional comedian Patton’s thread of comebacks:
(sigh)
Okay Ted, here we go…Not as disappointed as Texas was when you cut your Cancun vacation short and came home. https://t.co/kY3nXZuQSB
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 9, 2021
Ted, my fans are all at home, waiting to see you at the January 6th hearings.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 9, 2021
Well, that was fun. As always Ted, you’re a friendless, cowardly embarrassment and your beard looks stupid.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 9, 2021
Patton referenced Ted’s Cancun-COVID assholery, the infamous porn like, and the fact that Ted probably isn’t human (my money’s on “swamp thing”). Very good. But poor Ted wasn’t out of the woods yet. Because Patton has more than two fans. And they had some things to say about Ted’s joke and him making light of the pandemic:
Central Texas just ran out of ICU beds for first time since COVID-19 pandemic began. And instead of doing something about it, Ted Cruz picks fights with a comedian . Joke’s on Texas, I guess.
— pwithm11 (@pwtham11) September 9, 2021
He’s got more fans than you – 4.7>4.5 😂 pic.twitter.com/srhkq9blG3
— DaHollafish (@dahollafish) September 9, 2021
Imagine being Ted Cruz, who can’t get people to a free book signing at Borders bookstore, and thinking this tweet is some kind of dig at Patton Oswalt, a person who is successful enough that he can cancel five shows on his nationwide tour without a second thought.
— Populists aren’t progressive (@singwithCB) September 9, 2021
Ted’s probably ordered his entire staff to generate some killer zingers to get revenge on Patton. In case any of them are reading this: people LOVE and RESPECT puns. Highbrow comedy at its finest!