Who Is July’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

That raccoon is covering his eyes this time because he obviously can’t believe that he’s up against a culinary treasure, a pair of stunningly bedazzled cinnamon rolls, and a goddess of dance! Or that raccoon is covering his eyes because he’s embarrassed that I dragged him into this stupid shit. Whatever the case may be, it’s time to vote for 2021’s seventh Hot Slut of the Month. The first finalists got the most love from the people (aka the most Facebook likes), and the fourth was picked by me. Your choices for July are:

Van Leeuwen’s Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Ice Cream, the Kraft mac & cheese-flavored fancy French ice cream from Brooklyn-based ice cream maker Van Leeuwen. It’s currently sold out. So I guess this means I gotta make my own using Kraft powdered cheese packets and generic vanilla ice cream, and yes, I’ll say “oooh la la,” while making it to give it that fancy French flavor.

The Embarrassed Raccoon, the raccoon in Dalton, GA who got trapped in a house he broke into and had to be rescued by the fire department. And firefighters decided to get a picture of the fluffy criminal, who threw his paw over his face like, “No pictures, please!” I know, and here I am sharing his embarrassing picture and story yet again. RIP to my trash cans because this raccoon is going to send his Southern California relatives to destroy the shit out of them as an act of revenge!

Elena Lenina’s Sequined Cinnabon Titties, the ultra glamorous pair of sparkly cinnamon roll chichis that made everyone at Cannes salivate with hunger and jealousy when The Fashion Queen of Cannes sashayed onto the red carpet in them. And normally saying something looks like shit is not a compliment, but in this case, those chest decorations kind of look like an emoji of Liberace’s golden turds which is the highest of highest compliments!

Cristobal Leyva, TikTok’s true Lady of Dance who is a come-to-life music box ballerina (but way more graceful) and once again proves that this world isn’t a fair place since she should be the one starring in movies instead of that other TikToker!

Voting is below. July’s HSOTM will be crowned in a week on August 18.

Pics: Van Leeuwen, City of Dalton Fire Department, Wenn.com, TikTok