Open Post: Hosted By A Seagull Crash To The Face

July 23, 2021 / Posted by:

We were warned. 22 years ago Fabio was struck in the face by a goose while riding a roller coaster and in the aftermath, he warned us that if something wasn’t done, this type of tragedy would happen again. Possibly injuring a child, or even worse, striking down some other flaxen-haired god in his prime. Yet did we listen? Did we ban birds from the airspace above theme parks? No, we did not. And Fabio’s second-worst fear has come to pass. A child has been struck in the face by a seagull while riding the SpringShot ride at Morey’s Piers in Wildwood, New Jersey. According to The Huffington Post, a 13-year-old girl named Kiley Holman was largely unhurt physically, but if she’s anything like Fabio, the emotional scars may last a lifetime.

Here is the harrowing incident. Unlike the bird that exploded on impact upon seeing Fabio’s famously perfect Roman nose up close, the gull that goosed Kiley will live to terrorize freshly washed hair and children with sandwiches and for many years to come.

Here’s what Kiley had to say about getting a gull to the gullet.

“When I got shot up, then I saw it. It was going the opposite way and then it came back and hit me right in the face,” Holman told local station WPVI. “It felt really light and it only left like the tiniest scratch.”

The video shows Kiley yelling, “A bird flew on my face! A bird flew on my face! Oh my God!” But Georgia had no idea what was going on right next to her.

“I was trying to tell her,” Kiley said. “She told me to stop talking because she thought she was going to throw up.”

I’m sure the gull would have loved that too. Damn nasty scavengers! And in case you somehow missed it back in 1999, here’s Fabio’s fateful ride on Apollo’s Chariot at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Virginia.

Can you believe that Apollo’s Chariot still stands today despite Fabio’s warnings? The least they could have done was rename it Fabio’s Facelift-Off in his honor.

Pic: Twitter

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