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July 13, 2021 / Posted by:

McDonald’s Hula Burger!

Nowadays, every fast food place in the land has meatless options, and I am waiting for Arby’s to get in on the action by shitting out a meatless roast beef sandwich, which will probably just be an old piece of artificial roast beef-flavored cardboard stuffed between two buns. But while all the fast-food joints are currently trying to get those vegetarian coins, McDonald’s was a vegetarian pioneer! All the way back in the 60s, they delivered the Hula Burger, which should’ve been called the McFuckEffort because it was just a piece of grilled pineapple and cheese on a bun.

BoingBoing pointed me to a McDonald’s Wiki entry about the history of the Hula Burger. Lou Groen, who was a Catholic McDonald’s franchise owner, wanted to sell a beef-less burger for Catholics who didn’t touch meat on Fridays. So he came up with the Filet-O-Fish. But Ray Kroc, the Other King of McDonald’s (Ronald McDonald’s creepy ass will always be THEE King of McDonald’s), wasn’t sure about the Filet-O-Fish so, in 1963, he came up with an even nastier option: the Hula Burger! But surprisingly enough, people didn’t want to pay for some shit they could easily throw together themselves using a slice of Kraft cheese and some canned pineapple. The Hula Burger was a McFlop.

The Hula Burger was a meatless burger introduced in the 1960’s by Ray Kroc to McDonald’s. It was a substitute for American Catholics that would not eat meat on Fridays. The burger was a slice of grilled pineapple with cheese on a bun. But this was designed to go up against the Filet-O-Fish, which was created by a Catholic McDonald’s Franchisee Louis M. “Lou” Groen. (Lou Groen) McDonald’s ended production of the Hula Burger early on, as it became quickly evident that its alternative, the Filet-O-Fish, was getting much better traction.

It would be many years later until McDonald’s put out another meatless option, the McHotDog, and yes, I called it meatless because you know there wasn’t any actual meat in that soy and Styrofoam wiener.

In the 80s, McDonald’s tried again to make the Hula Burger happen, only this time, they turned it into a more Hawaiin-style burger by putting the pineapple with a burger patty. That flopped too.

On one hand, I have to bow down to Ray Kroc for doing his part to sweeten the jizz of his dude customers by offering pineapple on the menu. But on the other hand, did Ray Kroc even know what McDonald’s is about?! I mean, can you imagine biting into something remotely healthy at McDonald’s? You’d probably spit out that pineapple in disgust while thinking, “I thought I knew you, McDonald’s.”

Pic: McWiki

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