Open Post: Hosted By Jennifer Garner’s Cat-Holding Sweater

June 21, 2021 / Posted by:

This past weekend Jennifer Garner decided to show ex-husband Ben Affleck that he’s not the only expert pussy-catcher in the family. Jennifer purchased a special “Cat Lovers Hoodie Cuddle Pouch” sweater she saw in an Instagram ad. She posted a video of her putting on her new hoodie, which features the words, “Who cativated my heart?” Then she takes a deep breath and says three terrifying words: “Where’s my cat?” The doomed feline in question is Moose, also known as Stroller Cat. First the stroller, now the hoodie? Either this cat’s legs don’t work, or Jennifer’s got a mean case of Meownchausen by proxy!

In the video, Jennifer looks for Moose throughout her house, and announces, “The Internet got us a present!” Once she tracks down the poor puss, she lovingly manhandles his furry little bod into the hoodie’s cat pouch. Then she puts the (cat-eared) hood on her head and posed with her new baby. And it really looks like she’s pregnant. Moose’s resigned face peeps out of a hole in the side of the sweater as if to say, “Welp, this is my life now. Swaddled in 100% cotton. I hope she still gives me treats.”

Obviously, it’s very cute, but I don’t think the sweater is a long-term cuddle option. Kitties need to be free to run, jump and do that cute little move where they lie down, flip over so their belly is exposed, and stretch their wee paws and beans.

So yeah, it’s a dumb purchase, but I don’t blame Jen. Sometimes those targeted ads on Instagram can really trick ya. A couple of months ago I was coerced into buying this skin vacuum that promised to suck all the gunk outta my pores. My thinking was, “I would be a fool to NOT spend 40 bucks on this!” Well, guess what? That stupid vacuum did shit all. It just left little circle-hickeys all over my nose. The $40 would have been better spent on Jennifer Garner’s cat sweater. Or a back alley skin graft.

Pics: Instagram

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