The “Gossip Girl” HBO Max Reboot Has Threesomes And Bathhouses And Soft-Core Action, OH MY!

The Gossip Girl reboot is coming to HBO Max on July 8th, and since it’s going to be on HBO, they can up the pearl-clutching-factor and get ~ohsoscandalous~. And according to Page Six, they have and some people, who have seen early previews of the show, have said the show is trying too hard to be edgy and scandalous and some of the scenes are Skinemaxy. Well, the HBO Max feedback line better prepare to be hit with the sound of the four screeching voices behind Millions of Moms.

The new series stars Emily Alyn Lind as Audrey Hope, Thomas Doherty as Max Wolfe, Jordan Alexander as Julien Calloway, Savannah Lee Smith as Monet de Haan, Evan Mock as Akeno Menzies, and Zión Moreno as Luna La. These names, my God, don’t you love how society has now become the place where actors playing rich people with snobby names have actual names that could easily pass? Original creators of the first series, Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, as well as executive producer Joshua Safran have returned for the reboot, as well as original costume designer Eric Daman.

Page Six has spoken to people who have seen the pilot episode and woo-wee were they surprised by all of the teenage sexual activity. Here are some descriptions of the fun which includes nightclub finger-blasting and bisexual threesomes (inclusivity!):

In the first few episodes of the show, Emily Alyn Lind’s character Audrey Hope is pleasured by a fellow high-school student in the middle of a club they’ve sneaked into, as she stares at another guy she’s into.

In another scene, former Disney star Thomas Doherty, who plays a student named Max Wolfe, is seen making out with a girl — while being felt up by a boy.

There are also scenes filmed in male bathhouses, we’re told.

A source said of the show:

“I feel that this new iteration is trying too hard. They’re ruining something that’s classic, and at the same time, hyper-sexualizing these young actors in particular, which is really quite offensive…. This group is nothing like the old group.”

Gossip Girl is a “classic?” Is this source Blake Lively? Speaking of, besides Kristen Bell as the narrator, none of the old cast members are part of the reboot, but the show is “peppered” with mentions of them. Here’s the trailer which just came out:

Okay so this is going to be Gossip Girl meets Pretty Little Liars where the kids are fully being stalked? This really does look corny as shit, but at least it’s gonna touch on influencer culture with that “I’m influential” line. Hopefully, there’s a scene where someone shits themselves on TummyTea at an event so it can really feel authentic. But it’s nice to see Kristen Bell is still raking in shit tons of money for stepping into a sound-booth and reading an intro and outro. Living the dream. I just hope the reboot can contribute to meme culture the way the original did when it gave us “Go Piss Girl.”

I will never forget this moment 😹 pic.twitter.com/OWcESr43Hn

— Lucas Moya (@Lucasm0ya) June 10, 2021

Now, “Go Piss Girl” is what I’d call a classic!

Pic: YouTube