Hot Slut Of The Day!
Little Debbie Strawberry Shortcake Rolls, which has got hos so hungry and hard-up that they’re snatching them up in Missouri!
Kelis’ milkshake may bring all the boys to the yard, but Little Debbie’s cakes are bringing all the boys to a life of crime! In the small town of Poplar Bluff, Missouri (population: 17,000), there’s been not one, but two Little Debbie heists in the past few months. Little Debbie’s diabetes-inducing cakes are so sweet that they’ve got tricks willing to risk it all for them!
KFVS12 says that the Little Debbie thievery in Poplar Bluff started early on New Year’s Day when two thieves stole a shit load of snack cakes from a storage unit. The thieves packed up a Lincoln MKZ with 20 cases of deliciousness including 3 cases of today’s HSOTD, 2 cases of Zebra Cakes, 3 cases of Susie Q’s, 2 cases of Unicorn Cakes, 2 cases of Birthday Cakes, and 8 cases of bagged donuts.
The police in Poplar Bluff posted security camera footage on Facebook to help catch the Little Debbie snatchers and they added The Twinkie Song for maximum comedic effect, which is just disgusting because this is a serious crime! Snack cake theft is always a serious crime!
That was just the first Little Debbie heist of the year in Poplar Bluff. The second happened on May 22 when two dudes stole more Little Debbie cakes from another storage unit. Police don’t know yet if the heists are connected or if the thieves are the same thieves as the New Year’s snatching.
The question here besides, “Do Strawberry Shortcake Rolls look like a beat-up creampied b-hole, or is that just me?”, is: WHY?! If you hit up parties in Poplar Bluff, will you find teens snorting chunks of Little Debbie cakes while other strung out teens are shaking in the corner as they scream about how they need more Z (for Zebra Cakes)? Or are the two dudes actually Twinkie The Kid and Captain Cupcake in disguise and they stole those Little Debbie snack cakes to keep them off shelves so Hostess can reign supreme. First, they’ll make Poplar Bluff a Little Debbie-free land and then they’ll make THE WORLD Little Debbie-less!
Pic: Little Debbie