April’s Hot Slut Of The Month Is…

May 14, 2021 / Posted by:

For a second there, I thought that Michele Herbert, the spotlight-light stealing Upper East Side sparkler who became the star of Rudy Giuliani’s FBI raid, would win her first illustrious prize of many by being crowned Hot Slut of April. But Michele Herbert will have to wait to get her time in the shine until next year when she wins the Oscar for Best Performance By A Mic-Hogging Upper East Side Socialite During The Raid On A Smegma-Covered Ghoul’s lair because she has lost HSOTM to a messy lizard! Hey, if you’re going to lose to a trick, it may as well be to a messy lizard.

Our new reigning HSOTM is the Asian monitor lizard who slithered into a 7-Eleven outside of Bangkok and probably crawled up the shelves so that it could soothe its hot ass skin on the gentle cooling breezes of an A/C (I wish I would’ve thought of that trick when I didn’t have an A/C, but then again I’d be charged with destroying private property by stinking up everything on those shelves). The 7-Eleven Lizard got 46% of the votes, beating Michele Herbert (34%), Barbie’s Silver ‘Vette (12%), and Crocodile Mile (8%).

The 7-Eleven Lizard will now battle it out against Bernie Sanders’ Mittens, The Kitty Lawyer, and Sisu and his unicorn soulmate in the Hot Slut of the Year semi-finals next year.

Thanks to all who voted!

Pic: YouTube

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