California Theme Parks, Including Disneyland, Are Allowed To Reopen On April Fools’ Day (But With Restrictions)
As Coronavirus puts on its cowboy hat and chaps and gets ready to do the two-step up into mouth and nose holes (to the tune of Achy Breaky Lungs) when Texas completely reopens on March 10, California has announced that its easing up on its COVID-19 restrictions. The Los Angeles Times says that thanks to CA Governor Gavin Newsom’s newly updated four-tier “Blueprint For A Safter Economy” safety plan, stadiums, outdoor ball-playing places, and theme parks can reopen on April 1 as long as the county they’re in is in the red tier for coronavirus cases. But they’ll only be able to operate at a limited capacity and everyone has to wear a mask. You still won’t see me at Disneyland anytime soon, but with that being said, I can’t wait to see the cell phone videos of Goofy and Daisy Duck holding back Donald Duck as he tries to fight a stupid trick who refuses to wear a mask.
Theme parks in California have been closed since March 2020 and thousands of jobs have been cut because of that. But even though Dr. Fauci has been warning everyone of another spike, California theme parks will be able to reopen at 15% capacity on April 1 as long as their county hits the red tier (meaning 4 to 7 new cases per 100,000 residents). They can open up even more when their county drops into the orange and yellow tiers. These changes come as the petition to recall Governor Newsom reaches 1.9 million signatures. via The L.A. Times:
Under the new rules announced Friday, amusement parks will be allowed to reopen as soon as April 1 with 15% capacity in counties that are in the red tier — the second-strictest of California’s four-tier reopening roadmap. A county is placed into one of four tiers based on its number of new COVID-19 cases per 100,000 people, rate of positive coronavirus tests and an equity measure.
Under the new regulations, the attendance cap rises to 25% of capacity once a county progresses to the third-strictest tier, orange, and 35% upon reaching the most lenient tier, yellow. The previous rules forbade parks from reopening until their home county reached the yellow tier and capped attendance at 25% capacity.
Orange County, home to the Disney parks and Knott’s Berry Farm, and Los Angeles County, home to Universal Studios Hollywood and Six Flags Magic Mountain, are currently in the stricest tier, the purple zone, but are close to sliding into the red zone.
On top of only being able to operate at limited capacity, all theme park guests must wear a mask and only California residents will be allowed in. So if you’ve been thinking of starting a counterfeit California ID ring, now is your time to shine! But just because Disneyland may be able to open on April 1, doesn’t mean it will. Ken Potrock, a man with a last name I wish I had and the President of Disneyland Resort, released a statement and didn’t say that they’re reopening on April Fools’. Ken only said that a new opening date will be announced soon:
— Disney Parks News (@DisneyParksNews) March 5, 2021
If we weren’t still in a pandemic, Disneyland operating at only 15% capacity would be a damn dream (although the waiting line to get in will probably be a nightmare). And this is good news for Mickey Mouse’s evil ass, because he’ll soon be able to partake in his favorite sport: cacking on the inside when a guest looks at the crazy total for their overpriced soda and pretzel and says, “Err, I guess I’ll have to put that shit on a credit card…”
Pic: Instagram