Yesterday we learned that Tom Hanks will be hosting a prime-time, virtual inauguration special for President-elect Joe Biden and VP elect Kamala Harris called Celebrating America which will feature performances by Jon Bon Jovi, Demi Lovato, Ant Clemons, and Justin Timberlake. But It’s hard to muster up much enthusiasm for the inauguration given the threat of violence and division looming in the air. And I’m just talking about the threat of being aesthetically assaulted by whatever criminally tacky backwoods camo tuxedo Timberlake might decide to wear. You’d think that after the events of last week, the inauguration committee would be a little more cautious. But as they say, the show must go on, and what’s a swearing-in ceremony without a stirring rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner? And who better to unite a torn nation with song than Dolly Parton? Not Lady Gaga, that’s for sure. But that’s who we’re getting. And Jennifer Lopez, who will also perform.
Apparently, Lady Gaga has been deemed a safe choice to headline the ceremony, so I hope she knows that “swearing-in” doesn’t mean she just gets you to scream obscenities at Joe and Kamala until they magically become president and vice president from the sheer force of her directive “Now you dance motherfuckers!“ CNN reports:
Lady Gaga and Jennifer Lopez will headline President-elect Joe Biden’s and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris’ swearing-in ceremony, the Presidential Inaugural Committee announced on Thursday.
Gaga, who has a history of activism alongside Biden and campaigned for him during the general election, will perform the national anthem. There will be a musical performance by Lopez, who has used her voice during the coronavirus pandemic to speak out against its disproportionate toll on minority communities.
HA! “Used her voice,” who knew CNN could be so shady! The Biden/Harris Super Bowl of Politics Halftime Show will also feature the first-ever National Youth Poet Laureate, Amanda Gorman and Andrea Hall, the president of the International Association of Firefighters Local 3920 in Fulton County, Georgia, who will read the Pledge of Allegiance. The head of the inaugural committee said that the participants “represent one clear picture of the grand diversity of our great nation and will help honor and celebrate the time-honored traditions of the presidential inauguration.” He added:
“They are also committed to the President-elect and the Vice-President-elect’s steadfast vision of a new chapter in our American story in which we are an America united in overcoming the deep divisions and challenges facing our people, unifying the country, and restoring the soul of our nation.”
If Lady Gaga is really committed to restoring the soul of our nation, she better make sure she sings “… and the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in oh, ha-ah-ah-ah Haaa-ah-ah-ah, haaawaah, ha-ah-ah-aaah.” Please Gaga, do it for the lols, we need ’em! Otherwise, since it’s virtual anyway, we could all cue up Dolly’s version instead, and as a nation, all push play at the same time.