Cardi B has landed a starring role in a movie. It’s called Assisted Living, and it’s a “raucous comedy” (phew, her wheelhouse) with “tremendous heart”. Cardi will play Amber, a small-time crook who disguises herself as an elderly woman and hides out in her grandma’s nursing home after a heist gone wrong. Start taking notes, the Academy, an Oscar-winner will soon be born.
Paramount won rights to the movie in a competitive bidding war in 2019. It’s based on an original spec script from This Is Us writer Kay Oyegun. Ya hear that, aspiring writers? Don’t give up on your shit spec script about 20-somethings in the city. It could eventually get you in the same room as Cardi B!
Now, this is Cardi’s first starring role, but not her first movie. She played Diamond the stripper in Hustlers. And no, Diamond wasn’t one of the girls who drugged and robbed the club’s patrons, so former stripper Cardi couldn’t tap into her past experiences for the role. She also didn’t get a chance to work the pole, cuz she was recovering from lipo and a tit job during filming. Sigh. What could have been! Cardi has also signed on for a role in F9, the next Fast & the Furious movie.
As for Assisted Living, Variety says it’s a classic funny film like Tootsie, Sister Act, and Mrs. Doubtfire. The ol’ trope of protagonist goes undercover to save their job/family/life. Honestly, the idea of Cardi dressed up in old lady prosthetics sassing a bunch of elderly nursing home residents? Teaching them to twerk and TikTok? It tickles me pink. Now, who will they cast as Cardi’s grandma? Cicely Tyson? Ooo, can we get Diana Ross back on screen? NO. NO. WAIT. Marla Gibbs! It’s gotta be Marla Gibbs!