Lindsay Lohan Appeared In A Bizarre TikTok Ad
Yesterday TikTok users spotted a disturbing video on their TikTok pages. Or their feeds. I’m not sure. As someone in their thirties, I’m too old to legally download the app. The video was of Lindsay Lohan babbling nonsense about farting, salvation, and being a “dirty little stinker”. No, she’s not on bath salts (as far as we know). Apparently, it’s an ad for something called the “Church of Famera”. Please let LiLo be the Tom Cruise messiah of a new fart cult, oh pleeease!
Here’s the video:
THIS AD ON TIKTOK??? JGJF/FK¥£* pic.twitter.com/rchhwed3Rv
— ˚✧benjamjn (@kylie_gender) November 23, 2020
In the video, Lilo reads this totally insane copy: “O famera president, it’s me Lohan. I call upon thy name to ask for forgiveness for being a dirty little stinker.” Cue *fart sound* Consummate professional she is, LiLo powers through her giggles and manages to say, “The fragrance of salvation is in the air. May the eye wink upon you.” *Winks* It’s followed by the message, “O holy president savior of all that’s chill may you shrink our stink and absolve our smells.” Then there’s this psychedelic eye logo for the “Church of Famera”. The video is accompanied by the caption: “redheads always say it best” (that’s her best?) and links to Famera.
I’m lost. And so were the poor souls who blindly stumbled across the ad without warning. Comments included, “explain??? please i can’t sleep”, “what DOES THIS EVEN HAVE TO DO WITH WHAT U ARE ADVERTISING”, and “Lindsay, is your rent due?” But Rolling Stone did the Detective Lord’s work and dug up some much-needed answers. Apparently, Famera is a video-chat app aimed at Gen Z-ers. The app puts the users’ heads on little cartoon bodies in “various locales”, and lets you call your friends “through vortexs [sic] of beautiful spaces and people.” (via Rolling Stone):
“It’s an app. It’s a realm. We call it Famerica,” CEO Pasquale D’Silva told me as the team took me on a tour of various AR backdrops, including outerspace and a Thanksgiving dinner.
But what does this have to do with Lindsay’s little fart speech? The Famera president explained:
“The Eye is my, famera president’s, face,” they told Rolling Stone in an email. “My winks are blessings. Do you remember the movie Parent Trap? Lohan used to have a twin. Where is Twinsey Lohan now? Lindsay Lohan could not bear to share the limelight with her twin, and desired to be the only Lohan, so she ate her. That in turn gave her gas, which then she farted out, making a big stink. For this she had to repent to the one true god, famera president.”
I… hate these people? And I know she’s not exactly Herbie: Fully Loaded-levels of in demand at the moment, but why would Lindsay sign on as the spokesperson for this brand? Short answer: Bitch (kiiinda) got taken for a ride. Famera paid $355 for a Lindsay Lohan Cameo, and asked her to read the copy. She probably didn’t know how they’d use it, but she might have been aware that it was a “purchased endorsement” and not just a birthday greeting from one flatulence obsessive to another. It’s a recent feature she and some of the other Cameo “celebs” agreed to last summer.
I’d feel sorry for Lindsay, but $355 is a lot of money for just one minute of work. She didn’t even have to get off the couch! Probably way more than she’s making on her new jewelry line:
Honestly? Some of those pieces are kinda hot. And by hot, I clearly mean stolen.
Pic: Twitter