Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 25, 2020 / Posted by:

Drunk Squirrel!

Thanks to the Drunk Raccoons of Stittsville and Fat Boy the Drunk Pony, I know that if I’m ever lost in the forest somewhere and I am in dire need of a DRANK (and if I’m ever lost in the forest, I will be in dire need of a DRANK), I just need to find some kind of fruit tree and nibble on the old, dead fruit that is lying on the ground below it. Because that fruit may have fermented and take me on a trip to DrunkVille. And one squirrel from Minnesota has confirmed that rotten fruit will fuck you up.

Katy Morlok of Inner Grove Heights, Minnesota tells Fox9 that since the pandemic started, she’s been leaving out food for the neighborhood squirrels because she gets a jolt of happiness from watching them eat as she’s working from home. And last Friday, she found old pears while going through her refrigerator, and after Googling to see if it’s safe to give them to her squirrel friends, she put the pears in a bowl outside. A squirrel friend she calls Lil’ Red grabbed a pear and ran off. Lil’ Red came back about an hour later and was D-R-U-N-K!

“And then it kind of dawned on me…oh no, those pears were so old I bet they fermented,” Morlok said. “And then he got drunk and I did not mean to do that so I went out and I grabbed all the pears.” She had put out the rest of the pears after the squirrel took the first one because she thought he liked them.

And here’s Lil’ Red looking like me after having one too many edible gummies and someone says an extremely hard-to-process word to me like “the” or “hello.” Or like me when I’m wasted at the dinner table and trying to look sober. Or since Lil’ Red’s arch is so graceful, he also looks like Juliet on the balcony as she swoons and her heart goes pitter-patter from Romeo romancing her:

Katy says that she realized he was drunk and so she grabbed the rest of the pears. She was worried about him all night, but the next morning he came back for his breakfast and was fine.

Okay but Lil’ Red has had a taste of the sweet nectar, so Katy better brace herself for Lil’ Red and his crew of squirrel friends to show up in her backyard tonight (I mean, it IS Friday night) and relentlessly knock at that wooden table like a bunch of sorority girls trying to get the bartender to bring them some shots. A drunk monster is born!

Pic: YouTube

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