The Weeknd Will Headline The 2021 Super Bowl Halftime Show

November 12, 2020 / Posted by:

Get ready for moms everywhere to say, “Honey, why can’t that fella feel his face? Is it because he’s taking Lipitor, because when I was taking Lipitor, I had tingling in my face so my doctor switched me to Lisinopril and it helped. Someone should tell him, and you know, the game is only halfway done and you just finished your ninth beer. Here have some water…”  Because The Weeknd will headline the 2021 Super Bowl Halftime Show. You know, the Halftime Show being filled with songs about drugs, betrayal, orgies, heartbreak, drugs, sadness, bad relationship decisions, and drugs is perfect for these times. And yes, I responded to the news by calling 911 and saying, “Yes, I’d like to report a grand theft incident against the Super Bowl people. They robbed Charo AGAIN!

Super Bowl LV is set to go down on February 7, 2021 at the Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, FL. The team from Air Bud: Golden Receiver is set to play the Little Giants. And today it was announced that during the Pepsi Halftime Show, The Weeknd will coo about passing his girl around to his boys, snorting lines with a model, and making that pussy rain. On his Instagram, The Weeknd posted that picture of him looking like a 70s hitman who moonlights as a dom whose specialty is fisting. He also released these words about bringing Coke back to the Halftime Show, via Variety:

“We all grow up watching the world’s biggest acts playing the Super Bowl and one can only dream of being in that position. I’m humbled, honored and ecstatic to be the center of that infamous stage this year.”

Along with PepsiCo and the NFL, Jay-Z, whose company RocNation co-produces the Halftime Show, said words of praise about The Weeknd:

“The Weeknd has introduced a sound all his own. His soulful uniqueness has defined a new generation of greatness in music and artistry. This is an extraordinary moment in time and the Pepsi Super Bowl LV Halftime Show is going to be an extraordinary experience with an extraordinary performer.”

It was already reported that as of right now, the Raymond James Stadium will only be filled 20 percent for the Super Bowl because of coronavirus. So who knows if The Weeknd will perform for a 20 percent-filled stadium or somewhere else. But I do know that the FCC’s complaint line better brace itself because JLo and Shakira’s Halftime Show got 1,300 complaints. And The Weeknd’s performance will get that many complaints in one second when he comes out with a chorus of nearly-naked Bella Hadid look-alikes and dancing coke spoons and jizz.

Pic: Instagram

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