Who Is October’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

November 10, 2020 / Posted by:

Now that the OTHER election is nearly over (and yes, I typed “nearly” while thinking of all that coup talk as my last remaining nerve screams for MERCY!), we can get back to that other really important competition, one where the winner probably doesn’t want the made-up title and the prize package is a bottle of Phoebe’s Phantasy by Phoebe Price and a raggedy old Hot Slut of the Day t-shirt that refuses to fit me anymore. And yes, it’s because it got smaller and not because I got bigger, bitch (read: it’s the opposite)!

October’s HSOTM battle royale is down to two election sweethearts, some truly elegant face couture from Hormel, and an American icon. As always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes, and the fourth was picked by me. Your choices for October are:

The Fly, the attention whore fly that easily stole the show from the VP debate when it got itself some Mike Pence head by landing on his white dome. That fly obviously played a pivotal role in the election and deserves to be Secretary of Agriculture if it wasn’t for that whole “flies only live for 28 days” thing. But then again, Rudy Giuliani was Mayor of NYC and he’s a zombie!

Hormel’s Bacon-Scented Mask, the bacon-scented mask from Hormel that lets the world know that you’re a gourmet and an appreciator of simple elegance, and aren’t afraid of a dog mauling your face.

Belinda Varnado, the voting queen of Texas who brought glamour, her potent jush, and snacks to the voting line.

Tab, the soda, the myth, the legend.

Voting is below and October’s HSOTM will be crowned on Monday, November 16!

Pics: CNN, Hormel, TikTok, Coca-Cola

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