Jackie Stallone Has Died At 98
A bright, shining star has been added to the galaxy because Jackie Stallone, astrologer, rumpologist, certified icon of pure glamour, and the mother of Sylvester Stallone, Frank Stallone, and the late Toni D’Alto, left this planet yesterday. Jackie was 98.
Frank Stallone let everyone know on Facebook yesterday that the world is a lot less glamorous and unique, saying that Jackie got her wish of dying in her sleep. Not sure why he mentioned the “never wore a mask” thing, but he did say that her mind was a bottomless treasure trove of knowledge:
This morning my brothers and I lost our mother Jackie Stallone . She was the mother to four children, Tommy, Sylvester, Frankie and my late sister Toni Ann. She was a remarkable woman working out everyday full of spunk and fearless . She died in her sleep as she had wished. It was hard not to like her, she was very eccentric and flamboyant person. She was born on November 29 th 1921 in Washington DC ,she lived through prohibition , the depression and World War II . I would talk to her for hours about the 20’s 30’s and 40’s. It was a history lesson. Her mind was as sharp as a razor till the day she died. She never wore a mask a true revolutionary gal . I guess I’m drowning my emotions in tears and to much vino. But when you’ve known someone for 70 yrs it tough and sad. She had seven grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren . My brother Sylvester took care of her like a Queen for all of her life. I will never be able to call my mom again or have her yell at me why I never got married . But we all loved her and her sprit to survive and prevail . I’ll miss you always mommy.
Jackie Stallone (born name: Jacqueline Frances Labofish) was truly a Jackie of all trades. Because she did it all! You know that “run away from home to join the circus” fairy tale? Jackie fucking did it. Jackie ran away from home as a teenager to be an acrobat for Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circuses. But Jackie was not meant to be tied down to one job, and she went on to also work as a hairdresser and a chorus girl. Jackie was also always into fitness and hosted a daily local talk show in D.C. about exercise and weightlifting, and later opened up a women’s only gym with the hot name of Barbella’s (Curves, WHO?).
In 1986, Jackie did the impossible and actually made GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling) even more gorgeous by playing the manager of the Good Girls. Here’s Mama Stallone proving that she will always be the greatest white lady rapper in the game by spitting out rhinestone-encrusted rhymes on an episode of GLOW:
Jackie reinvented herself again in the 1990s by becoming the Walter Mercado of Glamorous Celebrity Moms. Jackie became an astrologist and wrote books about astrology, as well as doing what many psychic and astrologist-types did in the 80s and 90s. She set up a psychic hotline and even got Marla Gibbs to shill it out:
But Jackie didn’t only read the stars in the sky, she read dirt stars too. Jackie brought on the revival of “rumpology,” which is basically the art of reading a trick’s ass (but not in a drag queen sort of way). Jackie believed you could read a person’s ass cheeks in the same way you could read someone’s palms to see their future. It was always one of my life goals to get my nalgas read by Jackie Stallone, but she’d probably say what everyone who I try to pay to handle my butt says, “Even I refuse to go there!”
Here’s Jackie showing off her rumpology skills on The Graham Norton Show:
On top of all of that, Jackie had a line of face masks, was an important part of the history of The Howard Stern Show by delivering a fuck-filled verbal beatdown on her ex-husband Frank Stallone Sr., and in 2005, at the age of 85, she brought unbridled culture and charisma to the Celebrity Big Brother UK house for four days. Jackie’s ex-daughter-in-law Brigitte Nielsen was also part of the cast.
Jackie was active until the very end and shared her life on Instagram including videos and pictures of her still working out.
Rest in peace, Jackie Stallone.
Pic: Wenn.com