Carole Baskin’s Late Husband’s Family Aired A PSA About His Disappearance During The Socially Distanced “Dancing With The Stars” Premiere
Alex, I’ll take “Headlines That Wouldn’t Have Made Any Goddamn Sense A Year Ago” for $1000.
Last night was the 29th season premiere of Dancing With The Stars. The show featured AJ McLean, Skai Jackson, Nelly, Johnny Weir, Anne Heche, Charles Oakley, Jeannie Mai, Jesse Metcalfe, Vernon Davis, Nev Schulman, Chrishelle Stause, Kaitlyn Bristowe, Monica from Cheer, Justina Machado, and, of course,
that bitch wildlife conservationist Carole Baskin! A beaming Carole performed a paso double with partner Pasha Pashkov to (ugh) Eye Of The Tiger. The duo received the lowest score of the night. RIGGED!
Here’s Carole’s performance:
OK, I’ll be honest, I’ve never watched Dancing With The Stars, and I cannot stop laughing. Are the routines always that short? And wow to the fluorescent black light tiger face pulled straight off a stoner’s dorm room wall. And Carole’s dancing… just… chef’s kiss. She’s groovin’ like a wasted aunt at a buck n’ doe at the Lions Club.
But not everyone was laughing. Carole’s late husband Don Lewis’ daughters (and his former assistant) weren’t going to let their former stepmother cha-cha into the hearts of America without reminding everyone she may have fed their daddy to the big cats. So they produced a PSA with their lawyer asking for help solving Don’s disappearance. And they aired it in local Florida markets during Dancing With The Stars. Shots. Fired:
Don’s family is offering a $100,000 reward for information on who killed him (or confirmation that Carole was involved). I hope that tip line accepts calls from the clink.
Carole Baskin and the murder commercial weren’t the only bizarre parts of last night’s broadcast. This was also the first episode with brand new host and executive producer Tyra Banks, after ABC fired Tom Bergeron and Erin Andrews. Listen, I was a religious viewer of both The Tyra Banks Show and America’s Next Top Model back in the day, so I know the one thing Tyra Banks can’t do is host anything. Get ready for crazy eyes, over-the-top enthusiasm, constant interruptions, and making everything all about her. 2020, come get your girl:
Last night’s premiere was also the first DWTS of the pandemic. Regular judge Len Goodman couldn’t enter the U.S. due to coronavirus travel restrictions, so he was replaced at the super-long socially distanced judges table by Derek Hough. There was also no audience in the ballroom. Production opted for pre-recorded audience noises, including fake booing when judge Bruno Tonioli gave criticism. People on Twitter hated that shit:
Okay #dwts tooooo loud and too much piped in fake crowd noises. It’s distracting
— Michele (@mnmPineapple) September 15, 2020
The fake audience noise in Dancing With the Stars is dystopian Hunger Games shit. #ReleaseTheEerilySilentCut
— Daniel McLellan (@daniel_mclellan) September 15, 2020
— Gay Bachelor Bitch 🌹 (@BGaytion) September 15, 2020
Ooo, @BGaytion makes a great point with that last tweet. During rehearsals, production likely realized hiring Tyra was a more fatal mistake than Don Lewis offering 19-year-old Carole a ride that hot Tampa night back in ’81. So producers slipped the sound engineers a $20, and whispered, “Anytime Tyra tries ANYTHING, blast her out with the fake cheers.”