Madonna managed to take time from her busy schedule, which basically consists of flaunting COVID rules, posting nudes from her bathtub, and clearing space on her mantle for a Father of the Year trophy, to show us that she’s (probably) not losing it because she’s currently busy working on the details of her life. Madge and Oscar-winning screenwriter, Diablo Cody, got together again on Thursday to hammer out the details of her long career. And since Diablo recently adapted (Madonna’s Maverick protegé) Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill for the stage, the thought was that maybe Madge would be getting the Broadway treatment. But instead, it looks like we’re getting a full-blown biopic that won’t cover Madonna’s entire life, since you know, she’s still alive.
Vulture is reporting that Madonna FINALLY granted us mere mortals a peek into the early stages of her upcoming biopic, not long after dismissing the idea of ANYBODY being able to fill her size-8 shoes on the big screen. And for absolutely no reason, both she and Diablo decided to live stream the hour-long brainstorming session. I say “they” but it really just looks like Diablo is trying to concentrate on typing out a script while Madonna rambles on. Also, within the first 20 seconds, Madonna is already giving Diablo shit so this will all probably end really well.
In the video, which features the two piecing together a rough draft, Madonna recounts multiple periods in her life as an up-and-coming music icon. However, the focus of this session is mostly on her turn as Eva Peron in the 1996’s Evita. And to give you an idea of how good this movie is going to be (hell, even this Instagram Live is worth the cost of a movie ticket), she’s ALREADY shitting on some of the people she’s worked with, like Andrew Lloyd Webber. In the video, Madonna fondly recounts:
“I was totally and utterly intimidated by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice and the story of Eva Perón, the real historical story, and living up to all the great singers and actresses who had played her before me.” She added, “I think I had a few nervous breakdowns worrying that I was going to be fired every day, basically.”
When a fan asked her if Webber was “nice,” Madonna replied, “No, he wasn’t. He was not nice to me. I’m not sure he even wanted me in the movie. Thank God, Alan Parker did.”
And never one to miss a beat, Lord Andrew has ALREADY swatted back at the bullshit claim in his own statement that his people sent to Entertainment Weekly:
“She must have Andrew confused with somebody else,” Webber’s team said in a statement to EW, as if one can confuse Andrew Lloyd Webber with anyone else. “Andrew and Madonna had a very smooth and productive working relationship on the Evita film.”
Why do I get the feeling that Lord Andrew is two more statement releases away from joining Pedro Almodovar and Antonio Banderas in the Treated Like Shit By Madonna club?
Madonna, who, it should be noted, sips rosé throughout most of the live session, also went into detail about the technical aspects of the film, namely that it will involve THEE Amy Pascal, who apparently gave Madge the greenlight for a 2-hour runtime. And while it hasn’t been announced who will play Madge, Julia Garner, who both Madonna and her manager recently followed on Instagram, and who sorta-kinda looks like a young Madonna, might be in the running.
Madge also goes on about other possible scenes, including her early 1980s New York avant-garde Warhol period, the writing of her hit “Like a Prayer,” and meeting Jose Gutierez Xtravaganza and Luis Xtravaganza, the ballroom performers who helped inspire “Vogue.”
The entire IG Live is below. Try to clock Diablo breaking the fourth wall––TWICE––starting at the 0:21 second mark after being chastised by her Madge-sty. It gives off some serious Dakota Johnson “no, that’s not the truth, Ellen” vibes.