Who Is August’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

September 8, 2020 / Posted by:

August’s Hot Slut of the Month showdown is a human-free affair, and good! Humans have been fucking shit up left and right, and do not deserve to receive the illustrious title of Hot Slut of August 2020. The only things these HSOTM finalists are guilty of are giving people cavities, Type 1 Diabetes, the hope of living in a Croc-less world, and warmness of the heart (and warmness of the butthole if Kudos gave you the shits).

The top three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes and the fourth was my picked by me. Your choices for August are:

Kudos, the candy bar that disguised itself as a granola bar to come off like a healthy nugget of nutritiousness.

Lucky Charms’ Just Magical Marshmallows, the pouch of just the good stuff (read: the dehydrated marshmallow dingles) that Lucky Charms will sell for a limited time because things have been slow for dentists due to the pandemic and Lucky the Leprechaun wants to give them a boost in visits from patients crying over a mouthful of cavities.

The Crocs-Snatching Fox Of Berlin, who has truly proven that they are a special gift crafted from the hands of GOD by stealing Crocs, and other stuff, in a neighborhood in Berlin. There’s less Crocs on the streets of Berlin thanks to that saint.

Electra and Viola, the lesbians penguins in Valencia, Spain who brought a rare ray of sweetness to this trash world by raising a baby chick together. Although, with the way this year has been going, I wouldn’t be surprised if they break up and get into a messy custody fight. Why am I even putting that out there?!

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be crowned next Wednesday, September 16!

Pics: Amazon, General Mills, Twitter, Facebook

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