You’ve heard of “No Glove, No Love”–well here’s “No Mask, No Ass!” Fresh off from telling the people of Canada that glory holes are where it’s at during the pandemic, Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer, gave a statement which suggests that a good way to stay safe during COVID-19 is to keep the mask on during fuck times and not kiss any new people. Mask on and no kissing? DL tops, your time is now!
CNN says that Dr. Theresa has some more tips to continue the coronavirus battle in Canada. The government must know that cuffing season is coming up and people are going to want to get down to heat up as the temperatures drop. Her advice is:
“Sexual health is an important part of our overall health. However, sex can be complicated in the time of Covid-19… The lowest risk sexual activity during Covid-19 involves yourself alone.”
That’s right, jerk it! Open that PornHub window and handle business yourself. You can’t catch coronavirus from yourself! But if you do choose to “engage in an in-person sexual encounter” with a random person, Dr. Theresa has suggested several things including “avoiding face-to-face contact or closeness.” Doggystyle it is! And if you want, maybe consider putting on a mask for the whole act of coitus. But you don’t need to be too cautious. Feel free to go downtown on your partner since there’s not much of a chance you’ll catch COVID -19 from jizz or coochie juices:
“Current evidence indicates there is a very low likelihood of contracting the novel coronavirus through semen or vaginal fluids. However, even if the people involved do not have symptoms, sexual activity with new partners does increase your risk of getting or passing Covid-19 through close contact, like kissing.”
And most importantly, Theresa says to stay sober when you’re getting that dick so you don’t slip up. And use a condom and know your STI status.
“By taking these precautions and staying conscious of the risks we assume, Canadians can find ways to enjoy physical intimacy while safeguarding the progress we have all made containing Covid-19.”
So let’s see, if you want to get into some fun with a random, do it outside, wear a mask, don’t kiss, and try to stick with doggystyle. Horny people rejoice! Canada has got your back… and front parts.