Hot Slut Of The Day!
Ander Christensen!
The Activist Hall of Fame needs to make room for Ander Christensen who is truly using his voice to bring awareness to an extremely important issue that definitely needs to be pushed to the forefront because it’s not like we’re in the disgusting middle of a pandemic and millions are fighting for Black Lives Matter. Weird Al’s Midwestern activist nephew turned a city council meeting in Lincoln, Nebraska into a real-life episode of Parks and Recreation when he used his time at the mic to call for the ban of the term “boneless chicken wings.” “FINALLY, somebody said it,” said everyone, while the rest of us asked, “But did IT really need to be said?”
While I’ve never been afraid of bones, Ander Christensen argued to the city council that we need to teach people that bones in meat are natural and so “boneless chicken wings” is a nonsensical term pulled out from the ass cavity of Lucifer. Ander laid down his case for Lincoln to bury the term “boneless chicken wings” by saying that they don’t actually come from the wings of a chicken and we don’t ask for a “boneless auto repair.” (Cut to someone who has Googled “boneless auto repair” feeling really stupid about now). Ander thinks we should call them wet tenders, or saucy nugs, or trash:
Number one, nothing about boneless wings actually comes from the wing of a chicken. We would be disgusted if a butcher was mislabeling their cuts of meat, yet we go around pretending as though the breast of a chicken is in its wing? Number two, boneless wings are just cuts which are already boneless. I don’t go and order boneless tacos. I don’t go and order boneless club sandwiches; I don’t ask for boneless auto repair. It’s just what’s expected. Number three, we need to raise our children better. They are raised being afraid of having bones attached to their meat. That’s where meat comes from: It grows on bones. We need to teach them that a wing of a chicken is from a chicken, and it’s delicious.
I propose we rename boneless wings in the city of Lincoln. We can call them buffalo-style chicken tenders. Or wet tenders. We can call them saucy nugs — or trash.
Saucy Nugs sounds like a weed shop for sexy stoners.
Here’s Ander delivering an anti-boneless chicken wing sermon:
Lincoln, Nebraska:
Finally, someone with guts.
Speaking truth to power…pic.twitter.com/YOZrqnWAKo
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) September 2, 2020
Newsweek says that Ander Christensen is actually the son of the councilmember-at-large so no wonder he has the confidence of a boy performing for his dad and his dad’s work friends. But hopefully, this leads to MAJOR CHANGE in Lincoln and that change trickles over to other cities, including mine. Because that would be good news for my already over-bloated stomach. I mean, I can swallow down two servings of boneless chicken wings and I’d swallow down zero if they were named spicy nugs, because I’d be too embarrassed to order that shit.
Pic: Twitter