Mariah Carey’s presumed Pulitzer Prize-winning memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey, is coming soon so she’s making the rounds to help promote it. During a recent interview for Vulture, Mariah instructs her house manager Ellen, who has already fluffed her pillows, poured her wine, lit some candles, and removed Cha-cha, Mimi’s emotional support dog from the room, to make some “horse devoirs” while Mariah gets down to the business of explaining how Ellen DeGeneres upset her on national television by pressuring her into revealing a pregnancy that eventually ended in a miscarriage. So don’t ever underestimate Mimi’s thirst for revenge! Ellen the house manager’s real name is probably Darlene. And in that same vein, Mariah probably calls the guy who’s in charge of picking up Cha-cha’s shit Marshall Mathers. In the interview, Mimi also had some quality shade to throw Eminem‘s way.
Vulture reports that since the recent scrutiny of the toxic work environment on the set of The Ellen Degeneres Show, a 2008 interview with Mariah resurfaced on Twitter as an example of Ellen’s callous cruelty. At the time, rumors that Mariah was pregnant were prevalent.
DeGeneres, apparently determined to get Carey to confirm the speculation, challenged her to drink Champagne. Carey was forced to announce her pregnancy. She miscarried soon after. “I was extremely uncomfortable with that moment is all I can say. And I really have had a hard time grappling with the aftermath,” she says. “I wasn’t ready to tell anyone because I had had a miscarriage. I don’t want to throw anyone that’s already being thrown under any proverbial bus, but I didn’t enjoy that moment.” Carey goes on to say that there is “an empathy that can be applied to those moments that I would have liked to have been implemented. But what am I supposed to do? It’s like, [sings] ‘What are you going to do?’ ”
[screams] FINISH HER! That’s what! Here’s the clip:
[sings] The wheels on the bus go bump, bump, bump. One person who doesn’t have to worry about Mimi’s erratic driving is Eminem. It will be a great relief to him to learn that he will not be featured on a track in The Meaning of Mariah Carey. That’s because he simply does not rate. She doesn’t know him any better than she does Jennifer Lopez.
She’s been teasing this memoir for more than a year, mentioning it at a “Genius Q&A” during the press tour for her last album, Caution, but thinking about it for ten. It’s 300-plus meaning-packed pages, and, yes, what she didn’t include has meaning too. Eminem, who was reportedly “stressed” over what Carey might say about their rumored 2001 fling, doesn’t have to worry. “There’s some songs that I can sing in response to that, but I will not do it,” she’ll say when I ask. And then, with a roll of her head: “If somebody or something didn’t pertain to the actual meaning of Mariah Carey, as is the title, then they aren’t in the book.”
In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to the Johns Hopkins Burn Center in Mr. Mathers’ name.