Those affable morons Bill & Ted are all set to Face the Music as promised and the documentary crew that has been following them since 1989 will be releasing the footage of their latest exploits tomorrow in an attempt to save the world from the protracted despair of #thesedeeplyunsettlingtimes. At least that’s how I choose to look at the imminent release of the third Bill & Ted installment starring Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter (available VOD 8/28). Bill & Ted are whatever you want them to be, unless you want them to be stoners, because Keanu is very adamant that they aren’t. In what is perhaps his greatest act of cruelty to date, Keanu has decided to set the record straight by insisting Bill and Ted are not stoners. Yes, it’s true, the meanest thing Keanu has ever done is disappoint a few potheads. He’s a monster!
Here’s Keanu explaining that Bill and Ted aren’t stoners, they just “have a nice outlook” and “like people” which is honestly a pretty good argument for them not being stoners. All the stoners I’ve met, specifically the one who lives in my house, sleeps in my bed, wears my skin, and has the same name as me, are the complete opposite of that!
Den of Geek notes that Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey are frequently cited as “stoner movies” and that B&TAE made it into Rolling Stone’s 10 Best Stoner Movies of All Time. But I would argue that a good stoner movie isn’t necessarily about smoking marijuana or feature characters who smoke, a distinction Rolling Stone does not make, but rather is a movie stupid enough to follow when you’re high as a kite. In fact, DOG adds that “Bill and Ted have never explicitly been shown smoking weed or pictured with any assorted paraphernalia in the franchise.” Therefore, it is my humble opinion, and I’m certain that Keanu would back me up here, that Bill & Ted movies are stoner movies in function alone. And I say this with the explicit purpose of having Keanu back me up, preferably with his dick!