And no, the three words aren’t: I love Nicki.
Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s musical tribute to panty pudding is #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second week in a row, and to keep the WAP momentum going, she did an interview with Australia’s Kyle & Jackie O radio show and told them the three words that will never leap off of her tongue in a song because it gives her the icks. And well, we do know that on top of those the words, the words, “praise Melania Trump”, will never be said or typed by Cardi, because after a troll randomly compared Cardi B and Melania Trump during last night’s Republican National Convention, Cardi’s WAP clapped back twice. And yes, I got a little WAP juice in my eye during that “clap-back.”
Because WAP is this generation’s My Neck, My Back and Short Dick Man, and Cardi spits out the word pussy more than a feline gynecologist, she was asked if there are words that are off-limits for her. Cardi says that “discharge” and “moist” give her the heaves, and those two words cause many ear holes to heave, so I understand. But the third word caused me to spit out a WAT because it’s a beautiful word for a beautiful thing (no, the word isn’t “dick“) and it’s a word that has been in Cardi’s mouth before. via Us Weekly:
“‘Discharge’ is kind of gross, but it’s not, like, a cringey word. A cringey word to me is ‘moist.’ I hate the word ‘moist.’ And I hate the word ‘horchata,’” the Grammy winner, 27, said on Australia’s The Kyle & Jackie O Show on Monday, August 24. “It’s like a Mexican drink that is made out of, like, brown sugar or something. I don’t even know what the hell they put in it, but it’s really good, but I just hate that word.”
That is offensive on several levels. First of all, horchata originally came from the Spanish city of Valencia and is made from tiger nuts (don’t tell Tiger Woods that or he’ll start screaming, “Girl, get ready, I’m about to horchata that pussy up!”,” before busting a Tiger nut. Second of all, Mexican horchata’s main ingredient is rice. Third of all, horchata is a word that Cardi has rapped before. In Please Me, her 2019 song with Bruno Mars, Cardi lets out the lyric: “Your pussy basura/My pussy horchata.” So in 2019, horchata was good enough for Cardi’s pussy, but in 2020, it’s a word she hates?! You didn’t hear about horchata issuing a cease and desist on Cardi B for using it to describe her cooze? How rude, but horchata isn’t the only word that Cardi hates but has used in a song.
The radio-friendly version of WAP is WAG (wet and gushy), which is much worse, and Cardi agrees:
“I would’ve had to replace it with ‘Now from the top, make it drop / Bounce that big ol’ booty’ because that was the only thing that rhymed,” she said. “It was really hard for me to clean this song up ‘cause nobody could’ve convinced me to keep ‘gushy’ ‘cause I hate the word ‘gushy.’”
And as to how WAP and Melania Trump became one on Twitter last night, it’s all thanks to wannabe California congresswoman DeAnna Lorraine. If you need to send mail to Deanna, go ahead and send it to Cardi B’s ass, because DeAnna has been up it for a bit. When WAP first came out, DeAnna was appalled by it and while covering the First Amendment part of the Constitution with her hand, said that the song should be banned. DeAnna was up Cardi B’s ass again last night after First Stepford Wife Melania Trump’s speech at the RNC.
As Bette Midler lost it on Melania on Twitter, DeAnna Lorraine tweeted that the country needs more Melania Trumps and less Cardi Bs. Cardi B responded with this:
Didn’t she used to sell that Wap? https://t.co/ahgIf96S6a
— iamcardib (@iamcardib) August 26, 2020
— iamcardib (@iamcardib) August 26, 2020
Of course, everyone on Twitter made the same joke, saying that since Melania would rather put her hand on gold-plated jewelry than Donal Trump, she probably hasn’t had the W in WAP in a while. But Melania’s probably got that RAP (runaway ass pussy) because it packed up its things, snuck out of the White House, and got out of town the last time Trump winked at her all sexy-like.