Cardi B. Says Twerking Trumpsters Make Her Ass Itch As “WAP” Hits #1 On Billboard’s Hot 100

August 18, 2020 / Posted by:

I feel like if this was any other year, WAP by Cardi B. featuring Megan Thee Stallion would have made a juicy splash, been dubbed song of the summer, grinded to at the clerb and the beach, and been gone by the time the first shipment of pumpkin spice syrup left the warehouse on its way to Starbucks’ across the nation. Instead, we’re stuck in a (seemingly) never-ending cycle of WAP discourse which frankly has left my pussy dryer than Ben Shapiro’s wife’s. And now, WAP has debuted at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with 93 million U.S. streams in its first week. That’s “the most for any track ever in its first week of release,” which means we might be looking at many more months of wet pussy discourse. It’s like Groundhog Day and the groundhog just slid his slick head out of Cardi’s vagina like a crowning baby and announced 6 more weeks of excessive vaginal fluid.

Because it’s wildly popular, everybody wants to dip their toe into WAP, even political conservatives. We all know too well that Cardi’s vagina becomes quite moist when she’s aroused, but you may be interested to learn that Trump supporters who don’t practice proper physical distancing make her ass itchy? Cardi offered this additional data point for her ongoing differential diagnosis via Twitter after seeing a “Trump-supporting Instagram feed featuring MAGA hatters flying their flags on a TrumpTilla and rocking out on their boats to Cardi’s No. 1 hit ‘WAP.’” via Billboard:

What Billboard and Cari aren’t seeing is that WAP isn’t coming from the boat, whoever put this clip together slid that WAP track on top for attention. And it worked! Who knows what they’re actually getting all wet and gushy over. Probably Doja Cat. According to Billboard:

Cardi B’s “WAP,” featuring Megan Thee Stallion, blasts onto the Billboard Hot 100 songs chart at No. 1. The collab launches as Cardi B’s fourth leader on the list and Megan Thee Stallion’s second.

Released Aug. 7, the song drew 93 million U.S. streams in the week ending Aug. 13, according to Nielsen Music/MRC Data, the most for any track ever in its first week of release.

“WAP” roars in at No. 1 on both the Streaming Songs and Digital Song Sales charts, with 93 million U.S. streams and 125,000 downloads sold in the week ending Aug. 13, according to Nielsen Music/MRC Data. It also drew 11.6 million radio airplay audience impressions in the week ending Aug. 16.

“WAP” is Cardi B’s third No. 1 on Streaming Songs and fourth on Digital Song Sales. Megan Thee Stallion scores her second No. 1 on each chart.

WAP is too popular right now. I bet Donald Trump himself would twerk to it from the top of a flight of stairs if he thought it would earn him votes. And it probably would! Somebody, please inform him of this immediately. Besides, if Cardi was really worried about people not quarantining, she wouldn’t be wishing she was dripping her coochie juice all over Blac Chyna‘s inexplicable wet room.

Ugh oh, looks like Blac Chyna’s the one with the itchy ass! She really ought to have that looked at.

Pic: Instagram

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