Most movie theaters have been closed since March since they are COVID-19 playgrounds, but even though shit is still serious when it comes to coronavirus, AMC will begin reopening theaters in the U.S. on August 20. And in an attempt to drive our case numbers deeper into the millions, they are offering incredible deals like charging only 15 cents for tickets on its re-opening day. So you can either stay at home and watch Black Panther bareback-style (AKA without a mask) on Disney+ or you can pay 15 cents to watch it at a movie theater while putting a popcorn kernel in your mouth every 5 seconds to make sure you can still taste.
Listen. I barely want to go to the damn grocery store, which is a necessity. Who in the fuck is ready to risk it all in a movie theater with a bunch of people who may or may not have sponsored a skinny dipping party at a local pool the day before? My guess would be tons of folks, and that’s what AMC is banking on. CNN reports that AMC has devised a plan to open one hundred theaters initially, and then open the rest only when it’s deemed safe by state officials. And that’s not all. Not only will AMC reduce their prices to get butts back in seats, but they’re also offering delicious deals on snacks from the concession stand. But of course, they’re not just going to let the mask-less Freedom Fighters enter its establishment without face coverings. They’re taking every precaution necessary to ensure everyone’s safety.
AMC said that it’s implementing new safety and health measures to help keep moviegoers safe and curb the spread of coronavirus. That includes requiring all guests to wear masks, lowering theater capacity and upgrading ventilation systems.
The only way I can see this working is if they treat the movie theater like a club with bouncers and if you don’t have a mask, you can’t get in. I can almost already hear Karen and Brad screaming at the top of their lungs, “This is America! I don’t have to wear a mask!”
As for what movies AMC will show on opening day. They can’t really show anything new since Bill & Ted Face The Music and The New Mutants won’t hit theaters until August 28 and Tenet comes out on September 3. So when they open, AMC will show old movies like Black Panther, Inception, Back to the Future, and The Empire Strikes Back. And after its re-opening day, ticket prices will be $5 each.
“We are thrilled to once again open our doors to American moviegoers who are looking for an opportunity to get out of their houses and apartments and escape into the magic of the movies,” Adam Aron, AMC’s CEO, said in a statement on Thursday.
Oh, Adam Aron, we’ve already all escaped into the magic of a movie called Outbreak. I’m not sure if you’ve gotten the memo or not but packing a huge space with a whole bunch of folks for the price of a Blow-Pop isn’t exactly my idea of social distancing.