Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 26, 2020 / Posted by:

Topol Toothpaste!

Reader Toby dropped Topol toothpaste into my inbox as an HSOTD suggestion, and it immediately made me think, “Wait, the STAR of Fiddler on the Roof got his own toothpaste and they didn’t name it Fiddler on the Toof toothpaste?!” But Topol in Topol toothpaste was short for “tooth polish.”

The Himmel Group, who did the advertising for Topol toothpaste, says that Topol was the first successful adult toothpaste. Yes, there’s such a thing as “adult toothpaste” and sadly that category doesn’t include my favorite toothpaste that never was: JIZZ whitening toothpaste. I couldn’t find out exactly when Topol squirted onto teeth for the first time, but it definitely was around in the 1980s. Topol had the nicotine stain-fighting ingredients hydrated silica and zirconium silicate in it, so it was marketed as toothpaste for smokers.

This commercial showed a man breathing a diarrhea skid mark onto a white cloth to show the staining effects of smoking. But with Topol toothpaste, you could scrub those nicotine shit marks off of your grill. Sure, your lungs would still look a dirty mess, but your teeth would be glistening white!

And there’s this commercial where a snobby maître d (who is obviously Snobby Saleswoman #2’s father) clocks a woman as a smoker because her teeth looked dirtier than Justin Bieber’s chonies. But then snobby maître d gets tricked by a smoker who brushes with Topol!

Topol toothpaste isn’t around anymore, and you know, neither are smoking sections in this country. So if you’re a smoker, you sadly can’t erase the stank from your teeth with Topol! But you also can’t get the stank eye from a snobby maître d who banishes you to the smoking section.

Pic: YouTube

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