Open Post: Hosted By The Heist Of The 3-Foot Dildo Named “Moby Dick”

July 21, 2020 / Posted by:

The dick heist of the century got pulled off recently in Las Vegas and sadly it had nothing to do with the Chippendales dancers. A man has been accused (AKA: caught on camera) of picking up and walking away with a dildo without paying. But this wasn’t your average sex-shop shoplifting, this dildo was 3 feet long and 40 pounds heavy and was named “Moby Dick.” But unlike the actual Moby Dick, this one goes inside you.

TMZ says that a man walked into the Déja Vu Love Boutique in Las Vegas on July 14 and robbed them. The whole thing was caught on camera in the middle of the day. A guy walks into the store, heads straight for the Moby Dick, and then walks out with that motherfucker draped over his shoulder like a log. Not since Secret Service rushed Trump out of that campaign rally have you seen a man drag a dildo away so fast. But seriously, does Michael K have an alibi?!

The police report says the masked criminal escaped in a white car, maybe a Dodge Caliber. And Déja Vu has offered a cash reward for information that gets Moby Dick home from the turbulent seas. Moby Dick itself is worth $1,200.

This man will for sure get caught. The police just have to wait for someone to show up at the ER with a blown-out ass. Again, this dildo is 3 feet long and 40 pounds. That thing will rearrange your insides. Or maybe he’ll just use it as an extremely elegant sculpture in his living room.

Pic: YouTube

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