Guess what? A Kardashian celebrated her birthday over the weekend! I know, right? Since there are like 15-20 of them, a special event like this only happens once every three weeks, so count your lucky stars. This time the birthday girl was Khloe Kardashian, who turned 36. Her
billionaire poor-ass fraud of a younger sister, 22-year-old Kylie Jenner threw her a big birthday bash. Obviously every damn second was documented on social media, and the result was equal parts extravagant and horrifying. And yes, that scary inflatable nightmare (the one on the right) is supposed to be Khloe.
First, we must discuss the guest list. Rob Kardashian made a rare appearance, along with mom Kris Jenner, Kylie, Kendall Jenner, and Khloe’s cheatin’ ex, Tristan Thompson. Kourtney and Kim Kardashian were not there, but Kim’s daughter Chicago West was. Oo, family drama, or social distancing? The answer is: Who cares?
Here are the Kardashian-Jenner kids, including Kendall who clearly didn’t get the black sweats memo:
Khloe also posted pics of her brand new
face brunette look ft. at least a dozen filters and some Photoshop to boot:
Meanwhile, Tristan continued to fawn over his ex/the mother to their daughter, True Thompson:
View this post on Instagram
I’m wise enough now to know, you came into my life to show me just what it means to be an incredible person. I appreciate how I am able to learn from and grow because of you. I thank God for the beautiful and loving woman you are to everyone, especially our daughter True. You deserve the world Koko! True and I love you mama. Happy Birthday @khloekardashian ❤️🥳
Calm your boner, guy. Clearly Tristan realized basketball has a shelf life and is desperately trying re-insert himself back into the Calabasas K-fold to secure a life of soul-sucking Kelebrity and Kash.
And then there was the party itself:
— KB Pop Culture (@KBPopCulture) June 29, 2020
Host Kylie clearly wanted to show everybody that even though she’s not officially a billionaire anymore, she can still throw piles and piles of cash on stupid shit. BuzzFeed has all the pics, but decorations included cardboard cutouts of Khloe, Khloe’s face on pillows, thousands of pink balloons, and, finally, the horror show posted above… a Khloe slide.
Again, that shit’s supposed to be Khloe, not Aja from Rupaul’s Drag Race. But maybe we shouldn’t be so harsh. Khloe is a woman of a thousand faces. There’s a very good chance at least one of them resembled that inflatable slide at one time or another.
This isn’t the first time Kylie invested in a giant blow-up face of a family member. She did the same thing for daughter Stormi’s second birthday earlier this year. Clearly, Kylie knows a guy:
Yeesh, and after months of Stormi trying to repress that shit! Now Auntie Koko’s blow up face will be the one trying to swallow her in her nightmares. Sigh. I wonder if the Kardashian Second Generation of Kids can get a disKount on group therapy?