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Pizza Spins!
Pizza Spins may sound like the room-spinning shit you go through when you get drunk on too much pizza (I know, like there’s a thing as “too much” pizza), but in the 1960s and 1970s, Pizza Spins was the name of a snack from General Mills. They were so proper in the 1960s. They ate their pizza snack in cracker form when today, we just shove an entire large pizza into our mouths and call that a snack.
General Mills put out Pizza Spins in 1968. It was a pinwheel-shaped cracker that was supposed to taste like a cheese pizza’s dried up spit. It was a hard mini-pizza in your mouth. The General Mills blog (which is a thing that exists) says that pizza was the IT flavor of the 1960s (I thought the IT flavor of the 1960s was mid-peak LSD barf, but okay) and so General Mills gifted the world with Pizza Spins!
According to a 1968 press release, studies showed that pizza was the taste of the Sixties.
To be in line with this apparent trend, Pizza Spins contained many of the same ingredients found in a real big-boy pizza – parmesan cheese, tomatoes, pizza spices and pepper – to give Pizza Spins an authentic Italian pizza taste.
The back of one of the original boxes included the phrase: “All the true delicious pizza flavor in a munchy, crunchy, mouth-sized snack!”
I guess the 1970s wasn’t as pizza crazy as the 1960s, because General Mills got rid of Pizza Spins in 1975. And nearly 20 years later, the Keebler Elves dropped Pizzarias into our gaping mouth holes.
It’s a good thing that Pizza Spins don’t exist anymore. Because I only know two magic tricks. One is making a peen magically go from hard to soft in one millisecond (and yes, I do it by getting naked). And the second is that I can make an entire pizza disappear in minutes. So I’d definitely swallow an entire box of Pizza Spins, which would probably lead to me spinning all the way to the toilet.
Pic: General Mills